list-making is important

For many years now we have been family of nomads. Happy nomads. It turns out that I am good at starting over. Give me three or four months in a new place and I can be well on my way to building a life there. I'll know my way around, have new friends, have joined all the appropriate museums and zoos. And I'm happy here. The last week or so though, I have been in a funk. A homesick kind of a funk. Home for me is Salt Lake City. I haven't lived there in eight years and when we left I knew that we probably wouldn't be back. I was O.K. with that. Still am, most of the time. This week my heart aches for home. I have decided to address my issues by making lists, because, of course, almost everything can solved with lists.

Things I miss about home-
1. Purple mountain's majesty in every direction. Hiking, climbing, caves, snowboards, camping, all things mountains. Oh, how I miss my mountains in this flat, flat place.
2. My sisters. Dear ones, I want to see you and touch you and talk to you all the time, like it's no big deal. I want to have you over for dinner and watch you play with my kids in the backyard. I want our children to be the best of friends, for my children to not be able to pick a favorite aunt or uncle because there are just many wonderful choices around them all the time. (Nate, I miss you too, but you live far away, like me)
3. Grandparents for my babies all around. We are so lucky to have all four of our parents around to enjoy our babies (plus my grandmother too). I wish they could be a regular occurrence instead of just special occasion.
4. Only a few hours drive to our beloved red rock country.
5. Big city living. Concerts and shopping and restaurants, oh my.

Reasons I love where I live right now:
1. The sky goes on forever. It's bright blue, clean and often full of the kind of puffy clouds that make artists weep.
2. Wichita has more days of sunshine than southern Florida- we don't believe in overcast here, even in winter.
3. Dear, dear friends whom, I think, I couldn't do without. Friends of a lifetime.
4. Winter is weak and short, Summer is long and serious (today it's 105 and I am thrilled).
5. Ty can come home for lunch, or ride his bike. His office is three miles from our house.
6. We have the perfect house for our lives right now, I never want to sell it.
7. A garden with 21 kinds of roses, three kinds of melons, two kinds of squash, with peppers and pumpkins besides.
8. Small city living- family centered, slower-paced, great gossip.
9. Real, mid-western thunderstorms, nothin' like 'em.
10. Here, we are thriving.

See, I feel better already.

immature

I am fascinated by the fantastic. Princesses and rogues on quests to save the world. True evil defeated by a pure heart, but only after much adventure and hardship. My flowing skirts flying out behind my steed as we race across the plains. I feel as though I should have grown out of this penchant. After all, who wouldn't love the safe, clean life I lead, completely free of evil magicians, cutthroats and pirates. I have this secret wish to be the "chosen one" with unexpected and spectacular powers to aid her on her mission. I even secretly crave the part when they capture her and we are afraid that all is lost, but no, with the help of her noble and courageous friends she escapes and the quest continues. Where is my quest? I don't want to be the farm wife who sells them bread along the way. I want to be the one without whom, hope is gone. It's not the adrenaline I crave but the special and important, the powerful. The same thing my two-year-old craves. Apparently my growth has been stunted at some point but I need an adventure that matters. I know that technically parenting is supposed to fill that need but lots of days it feels a little pedestrian. Dishes, make beds, legos, more dishes, you know the drill. So, I guess I'll keep listening to fantasy on my ipod while I do the laundry and wait for the wizard to show up at my front door.

lightning strikes

Last night we had our first really big storm of the season. You know the buckets of rain, lightning-filled sky, tornado warning kind of storm. Delightful. What is it about a really great storm that makes it so cathartic. I don't know, but I write about it all the time. (Sorry, everybody) I haven't been feeling all that bloggy lately, so I have much to report. I went to Tulsa for the weekend with my friends and left my boys overnight without any medical reason to do so. You know how when you stay in a hotel and there is a group of people across the hall who come in laughing and talking and obviously having a great time and you wonder what they have been up to? That was us, and it was delightful. Tommy had career day at school and since Jedi and ninja were not a choice, he went as a policeman, handcuffs and all. He promised not to write me (or Miss Julie) a ticket. My podiatrist finally gave me the go ahead to run again and I already feel better. I just can't seem to function properly without my runs- something about being alone and feeling my heart working. Ran 3 miles on Thursday, heaven. Today am blogging while sitting on the front porch, watching Ty pull the boys around in the wagon and inspecting my crocuses and the first daffodils of the season as they soak up the afternoon sun. (pictures above are actual flowers described and NOT random pics I stole off the internet). Am planting spring bulbs next week and still can't imagine why anyone would intentionally plant anything that doesn't flower. Definitely in the right place at the right time.

self-medicating

When I was in high school I had a long term love affair with blueberry cake donuts from Tasty's in Kaysville. They were absolutely delightful. Then I became a grown-up and my metabolism did too. I had to give them up, except for special occasions. Donuts are few and far between in my life. Tonight I am eating Krispy Kremes (yes, plural). I haven't had one of these in a long time. You might have noticed that my last few posts have been, well, a little on the harpy side. I weaned off my anti-depressant again. And again I am completely coming apart. Apparently having children has screwed up my brain chemistry for permanent. Loud sigh. I know it's not that big of a deal. I tell my friends all the time. It turns out, I'm a total hypocrite. It's O.K. for everyone but me. I shouldn't need it. But I do. Ugh. So until my happy pills kick in it's donuts for me. Oh yeah, don't tell anyone I take drugs, it's totally embarrassing.

the lies they tell

If one more effortlessly thin celebrity explains her lightening quick weight loss with the excuse that she doesn't really work at it , she just chases her adorable children around all day I might loose it. I spend my days chasing two immensely energetic little boys around without the aid of housekeepers or nannies. In the last month or so Johnny has really come into his own as a little boy. Last night when Ty called from work to chat I was supervising the boys as they experimented with what made the best sled on the staircase (i.e. cardboard box, sleeping bag, etc.) and couldn't talk. If I look away for 2 seconds, someone is going to break an arm. When we are out of the house, Johnny must be toted around at all times because the moment those adorable toes touch the ground that kid sprints towards the nearest safety hazard, usually a busy road or heavy equipment. I run all day long, not counting my daily workout. It has not helped me reach any of my weight loss goals. I am exhausted, but not any thinner. I'm just saying.

phoenix

My toes still hurt from the surgery last month. This is, of course, exacerbated by the fact that small people are constant dropping light sabers on them ( they have handles, I can't imagine why they are so tricky to keep a hold of). My podiatrist told me I should be able to run by Feb. 2, which is a good thing because I haven't been exercising near as much as I should be, it's just not as fun. Saturday is supposed to be a beautiful day, 57 degrees and sunny. I think I'll try out my new tootsies and ignore the smarting that still occurs. I need the sun, the solitude, the something for only me. We have been talking about lots of important things lately and without running I have no time to work through them in my head. It makes me antsy and strangely lazy, afraid to do anything, maybe then I can prevent change. I am not really afraid of change, it just makes me nervous. I sort of want to snuggle up under my covers and sleep because then I don't think about things, I just have bright, wild dreams. I have been thinking lots about Nienie and how their whole life changed in one instant and how, like a phoenix, she is rising beautifully from the ashes of their tragedy. I have no ashes to rise from, I have no great tragedy, no great heartache, no great trial. My life is full of great joys, but lots of little tragedies and heartaches and trials. Hopefully, I can rise anyway.

self-fulfilling prophecy

My friend, Carrie had a delightful idea for holiday gifts. You know the twelve gifts for a baby thing? She found twelve women in her life she felt exemplified each of the gifts. Thoughtful, no? Anyhoo, she gave each of us a lovely bracelet with our quality on it and a delightful little letter explaining why she had chosen the quality for each of us. She chose beauty for me. So sweet. At any rate she wrote me a lovely letter describing how she felt that I was always one to see the beauty around me. So here's the thing. Since she gave me that gift I really have been seeing the beauty around me, even more than before. I've been noticing the reflection of the moon on the water and the sun in my little boys hair and the absolutely beautiful flowers on my kitchen window sill. So, this post is just a little thank you note to her for helping me to really see the beauty all around me.

for future consumption

So this upcoming year is slated to be a rather boring one at the Daniels- no big changes. Except that I have this overwhelming feeling that this is going to be a BIG year for us, like huge. I have no reason to feel this way but I can't get it out of my head. Nothing is planned and many things are being actively prevented. I am posting this just in case I turn out to be right and more than just my hair is psychic. If not, I hope you will forget all about this by the end of 2009. And don't mention it ever again

yes,they can

Last week one of my favorite friends (who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) wandered into playgroup and asked, in an exasperated tone, " Can men do anything?!" To which all four of us promptly replied,"No." She then proceeded to tell us the tale of her husbands thwarting of her plans for the day just by being himself and a guy. Don't get me wrong- she was totally right about that particular incident but something that happened to me a week or so later got me thinking. Tommy spent Thursday night up vomiting and with diarrhea, I stayed up with him. It was highly unpleasant for all involved. In the morning I slept later than usual, assuming that everyone, including my various house guests were doing the same. I was not correct. Tommy and his cousin Reese had gotten up and my brother-in-law, Dylan found them. Tommy was lying on the floor feeling miserable and Reese was hugging him trying to make him feel better. Tommy told Dylan he was cold. Dylan made him a hot drink and when that didn't do it he put him in a bubble bath and sat pouring water over his shivering back. That's where I found him thirty minutes later. To my knowledge Dylan has never put his shoes away upon walking into the house and while he was here he almost set my house on fire and lost the baby at the museum but oh how he took care of my boy when it was needed. They certainly can do the important things just right.

lighting changes everything

As many of you know my boys are fighting some pretty nasty problems with their asthma so last night I got up at about 3 with Johnny. An hour and a half later as I walked down the staircase back to our room I noticed that the light was different. I looked out the high windows along the back of our home and saw the golf course covered in clean snow. I forgot how snow reflects every little piece of light and changes it's nature. It was lovely. It was still beautiful this morning when we all woke up. The boys are entranced. As am I.

i thought i was a nerd...

Today while out driving I saw a grown-up man with vanity plates that said "aragorn". I hope that this man already has a wife because he will never get a girl with plates like these, not even in Kansas.

blow job

Remember my lovely maple tree? Well about week later it unceremoniously dumped all of it's leaves on my front lawn. My retired neighbors all raked weeks ago. Me, I have been hoping for a really good windstorm to blow them all away. I had almost lost hope and resorted to raking but today Mother Nature did her part and now my leaves are all over the neighborhood, but there are hardly any in my front yard. Being patient totally pays off.

on the first day of christmas

One of the small pleasures of owning your own home is that you can vacuum at 2 in the morning and no one but you loved ones can complain. That is exactly what I was doing last night at about that time. My loved ones all slept through it. I began the day after Thanksgiving by braving the nutties at 5am in Walmart, Target and Kohls in order procure just what my little ones are hoping St. Nick will deliver, at a steep discount. I ran errands and tried to get organized for much of the rest of the day. I have a deeply held belief that all Christmas decorations should be out on the day after Thanksgiving. By late afternoon I was finally getting things organized. Usually I am very efficient about the whole thing but this year I felt sort of sentimental and tender about all of it and I found myself taking my sweet time to make sure that everything was perfect. Usually it drives me crazy not to have it done and while I do a complete job of it, I make it quick. Not this time. I don't know what's different. I feel settled here (for the time being), my children are at a delightful age for enjoying the holidays, and I love this house (it's a very good Christmas house). Somehow all of these things have combined to make me all homemaker-y about decorations this year. So as I've said, I took my time. I hung each ornament lovingly, I strung popcorn for the kids' tree carefully, I ironed the stockings, for pete's sake. I then tackled the mess left by a busy day, a holiday week and a decorating frenzy. I dusted and vacuumed. I then wrapped every single Christmas present in the house. Only then could I even consider going to bed. I wandered into my pajamas at about 3 am. Luckily my sweet husband has seen this sort of mood before and knew to just let me go and planned on letting me sleep in. This morning I feel so calm and happy. I'm sort of flitting around the house, my heart leaping a little each time I catch a twinkle out of the corner of my eye. I love Christmas.

vote up, girls

I just bought my first pair of skinny jeans. What do you all think, am I allowed to wear these in public? I think I like them but I have been wrong before.

forgiveness?- thankful #39

This is my sister Cassi and her husband Allan. I adore Cassi. I count her among my most beloved friends. Yesterday I called her with a brilliant idea which at the time I thought required her participation. Unfortunately she already had something else in the works and couldn't participate. I responded with"That's dumb!" (I know, eloquent, right?) and proceeded to convince her that my idea was better. Of course it wasn't and I totally hurt her feelings. She, however, stuck to her guns. Good for her, bad for me (for hurting her feelings). Who do I think I am? George Bush? I was easily able to make my idea work another way but this post is to inform my fabulous sister that I'm sorry (again) and I will try, in the future, to not be an obnoxious and stupid know-it-all.

perfect

I think my poor child is more like me than I knew. This morning we went to our first basketball practice/game for Tommy. He started out great, there's lots of running and whatnot so he was a fan. Then he started to pick up the rules of the game and realized that he was not yet terribly great at it. Most 4-year-olds don't care but this child has the blood of his mother and grandfather running in his veins, he feels the need to be perfect, at everything. First he was upset that he wasn't getting the ball, then when he did get the ball and tried for a shot, missing it, he sobbed in frustration that he hadn't made it. The other kids are thrilled just to touch the ball and if they happened to throw the ball at the net, so much the better. Not my kid. He spent about a third of the game in some form of tears, he was so frustrated he could hardly stand it. He actually sat out the last few minutes of the game sitting on the bench chatting with one of the officials because it had just gotten to be too much for him. I really try to teach him that's it's ok to fail. Maybe he senses that I don't always apply that theory to myself. Maybe it's genetic and he just can't help it. I wish I could convey to him the fact that no matter what he does he will always be perfect in my eyes. For now, I will send him out to the driveway to practice with Dad so that the next game maybe he'll make his first basket.

marshmallows for brains

Wanna laugh super hard ? It's your lucky day. This morning we all slept in a little bit-everybody got up around 8. We had nothing going on today so we puttered around in our jammies, ate a leisurely breakfast, chatted with Nana and Carrie. Nana misses her boys and Carrie's Owen is finally better enough to go back to school. We wandered upstairs to get kids dressed and put away laundry about 10. I thought about an expedition to Pump it Up or Exploration Place since we had nothing going on. At about 10:25 I put Johnny down for his morning nap and as I left his room, it hit me. Friday is a school day. Tommy should have been at school and hour and a half ago. I threw on running shorts, mohawked his hair and packed his lunch in record time and had him in the classroom by 10:50. I'll be back to pick him up at 1. I am a rock star mom, obviously.

with benefits

Reasons I loved my job today:
1. I attended my first appointment (HVAC man to do maintenance) in my pajamas and the other party could say nothing about my stripey pj pants and lack of mascara. It's my house and I am the employer, I'll wear whatever I feel like.
2. I work in one of the sunshiney-est buildings I have ever been inside. Especially in the morning there are floods of sunshine everywhere. Heaven.
3. My job requires dancing, playing, imagining, singing, and first aid, all of which I am good at.
4. My other tasks can be done in whatever order I deem appropriate and usually don't have a firm deadline.
5. My friends can and often do visit me at work. Any time one does we put on a pot of tea (or diet coke with lots of ice) and can chat for as long as I feel like (or until someone has to be picked up from preschool)
6. My work environment reeks of me. Art I love, colors I love, furniture I love and when there is something I don't like I can change it any way I like. Also, I get to choose all the smells, For example right now my whole house smells like pumpkin pie all the time. Because I love pumpkin pie and I think it's seasonally germane.
7. We get to read stories all the time.
8. On beautiful, 75 degrees October days I can choose to spend much of my workday at the playground and get brownie points for doing so.
9.Every single day of my life includes tickling and laughing, out loud.
10. Tommy thinks I know everything and am almost always right.
11. There is nothing like coming home from the park to a house that smells of chicken roasted in red wine and garlic and mushrooms that did not magically appear out of nowhere.
12. I have 100% job security.
13. The satisfaction that comes from vacuuming in straight rows.
14. A dress code that allows for skinny jeans and scarves (oh how I love scarves) and new silver python ballet flats (remember when I said I was taking a break from buying bfs-it was a dirty, dirty lie)
15. The fact that my job description includes finding the perfect apothecary jars for the mantle.

cheater, cheater, cookie-eater

Much to my own chagrin, even after running a flipping marathon, I still have ten pounds of baby-weight to lose. (I see you rolling your eyes, Julie!) I am not fat and I know it, but I would like to be back to where I started. I felt really good about my body and I miss it. I'd really like to lose 15 but Julie is probably right when she insists that might be a bit unrealistic. Anyhow, after chatting with the same Julie yesterday whose own baby weight is falling off at an alarming speed I decided it was time to get serious. In the past I have always had some success with the South Beach diet and so back on the bandwagon I go. Breakfast went great, feeling pretty good about myself and off to a mommy meeting. Where I ate a cookie. Cookies are soooo not allowed. I totally forgot. I can't even remember that I'm dieting for two hours. Good grief. By lunch, I am back on the wagon. But this better work because I love a good cookie.

productive

So last week I was really nervous for the marathon over the weekend. For the first part of the week my dear friend Tanya was visiting. Together we cleaned out every cupboard in my kitchen and laundry room and several other odd closets through out the house. It was wonderful. After she left the nervous energy and spirit of productivity remained. I painted the dining room a color I actually like and I finally painted my hideous brass chandeliers and now I love them. At the end of the week I was still a nervous wreck but I got a lot done.