the bitter with the sweet

When I was a little girl I was taught that in the afterlife we will all have perfect memories of every moment of our time here. I think it was supposed to scare us straight. "Won't it be awful to remember each and every sin, every mistake with crystal clarity?" they would ask and, with my eyes wide, I would nod, mutely terrified. But this idea has been returning to me over and over lately. How scary, how sad will our mistakes be when we can see them with perspective, see where they led us, see the lessons we learned? And really, so many of the moments are breathtaking, kisses, hands geld, sly glances, children laughing, missing teeth, missing consonants, the smell of fancy, overpriced baby shampoo in golden hair, forts in the kitchen, secret brother plans, tears of all kinds, and so much more. My days are so full of things that I would give anything to hold onto forever, I will gladly remember the bitter, if only I can have the sweet.

blankie party at our house

This morning I returned from the gym to find my chicks in the kitchen, blankies in tow. Tommy informed me that they were having a blankie party and requested I take photos. So I did. Then I went off to shower, the party still in full swing. It was a lovely way to start a day.

it's already written on the calendar and thus, set in stone

Today I took the boys to the dentist. Both of them. Tommy is, and always has been, a super star dental patient. He grins through the entire process. He is mistakenly convinced that he, at some point, "before 1972" he had a cavity. Neither I nor the dentist can convince him otherwise. Johnny was a first-timer. His visits (we tried two different times today) consisted of him frantically and emphatically responding to every request and query directed at him with a definite, "No way!" It's surprising how many people are completely charmed by this outright defiance when it comes from my little blue-eyed boy. They got a quick glance in his mouth and that was all. They will try again in six months. This is where it got weird. When I made the appointments we were booking out in October and I had to consider the fact that Tommy will be in real school all day long and schedule accordingly. I realize that it's possibly a little early to be freaking out about the changes I see coming but you all know how I feel about thinking ahead.

clear blue skies

I know I've been a little obsessed with the sun lately, winter does that to me. By March it's a physical craving that originates somewhere near my solar plexus. Spring storms, while lovely in their own way, do not help. I'm pretty sure I have waxed poetic about St. George before. I love, love, love coming here. There is something about the way the light reflects off the red rock canyons, something about Pineview Mountain covered in snow behind desert landscapes. Something about the bluest skies I have ever seen. It makes me want to breathe more deeply, to drink it all in. It is my favorite place in the whole world to run. It feels like the sort of place where anytime spent indoors is a little bit wasted. So, I'm off to waste less time and take the advantage of the bright, clear, high altitude sunshine.

is it a skill i can develop by tomorrow?

Tomorrow morning we are of on our little cross-country jaunt. If you happen to be in Grand Junction tomorrow evening (hopefully) feel free to stop by whatever hotel we happen to stop at and we'll all go out for dinner or something. Bah. I wish I was Samantha (of Bewitched) and could get the four of us (I am counting my raging sinus infection as a person because it is just that intrusive) to our final destination instantly with an adorable twitch of my nose. It's going to be fine, it's going to be fine, it's going to be fine...........See you all on Wednesday. Hopefully from sunny St. George.

i don't think it's working

This one is trouble.

Unnaturally adorable trouble.

I love two. I have always loved two. They are so cute at two. Boy, does this one have two down. I can barely discipline him at all. Today after an exciting incident in the bathroom involving lots of water and not a few bubbles (given away by the peals of delighted laughter drifting through the house) I walked him to "time-out". He trotted along pleasantly and and sat there kicking his feet cheerfully. When I went to walk away he pulled me back in order to plant a kiss on my nose.

When he was sent downstairs at bedtime to find his blankie he instead moved three different kitchen chairs to the counter and managed to open every cupboard and drawer in the kitchen, also both fridge doors (kitchen and garage) were wide open. Apparently he was looking for something. He was down there for all of 90 seconds. It was like that scene in The Sixth Sense when the Mom turns away and when she turns back all the cabinet doors and drawers are open and it's all creepy. When I ordered him upstairs in a rather stern voice (not yelling or anything exciting) he collapsed to the floor in a sobbing mess of despair at my disapproval. Sigh. He had to be carried upstairs because he was simply too sad to walk.

But lately it's his joyful, full-bellied laugh that is coloring our world. He loves to get a reaction, any reaction. I don't even have to work at it. I am the funniest thing he has ever seen and once he starts giggling, I'm gone. Tonight the two of them were telling each other jokes in the bathtub and we could hear them throughout the house. The jokes make no sense at all but often include the word toilet or underwear which are both apparently hilarious. They couldn't stop. And I was so glad to hear it.

He does not do anything like the books say, or like his brother, or even like himself yesterday. There is no predicting this child and frankly, I am completely charmed by his antics. At two, he has me under his power. He is fooled by none of my tricks and cowed by few of my consequences. The scales are tipped the wrong way in this relationship. I think I should be more nervous than I am.