Friday, January 13, 2012

the bitter with the sweet

When I was a little girl I was taught that in the afterlife we will all have perfect memories of every moment of our time here. I think it was supposed to scare us straight. "Won't it be awful to remember each and every sin, every mistake with crystal clarity?" they would ask and, with my eyes wide, I would nod, mutely terrified. But this idea has been returning to me over and over lately. How scary, how sad will our mistakes be when we can see them with perspective, see where they led us, see the lessons we learned? And really, so many of the moments are breathtaking, kisses, hands geld, sly glances, children laughing, missing teeth, missing consonants, the smell of fancy, overpriced baby shampoo in golden hair, forts in the kitchen, secret brother plans, tears of all kinds, and so much more. My days are so full of things that I would give anything to hold onto forever, I will gladly remember the bitter, if only I can have the sweet.