the thing about laundry

I have this plan. It's such a great plan. I want to do one load of laundry every day. Simple, no? I put it in when I first get up and then sometime during the day take the ten minutes to put it away. Voila! No more mountains of laundry that require me to download a full movie to the ipad to even consider being able to fold and put it all away. I am usually so good at this sort of plan. I never, NEVER go to bed with anything but a sparkling kitchen, and if I leave the house without beds made and dishes done in the morning something has gone horribly wrong with the routine and I will feel anxious about it all day.  Possibly this is not a 100% healthy attitude towards this whole thing but I figure everyone has their thing and mine is a very productive thing to have, so, raspberry. Anyhoo, it's seems like this whole laundry thing should be so easy to incorporate into my already sort of regimented schedule, and it is, for like two days and then it all falls apart. And now it's Friday and I have an enormous pile of clean laundry on my bedroom floor waiting for me to choose the appropriate movie. Next week for sure. I have a plan. For reals this time. Please feel free to ask me how I'm doing on this, because seriously, the amount of time I am spending thinking about it is just preposterous. Next week I will tell you all about how I have to get up waaay earlier and how hate that but I will do it anyway because I have this thing about laundry and beds and stuff. I also vacuum in straight lines but that's a whole other story.

screen time

I am stickler about screen time. My kids aren't allowed to watch any T.V. on school nights and computers games (all of which are educationally based) are special treats. They don't have Gameboys, iPods  or any of that nonsense and the time they spend playing on the Xbox is strictly limited to special times with Daddy. See? Grouchy, right? I just have this thing about little kids playing outside and getting dirty and get all curmudgeonly and talk about how we never had any of that growing up and we were the better for it, blah, blah, blah.

Then, last week, my beloved iPhone developed a serious case of stripes. One moment it was sitting on the counter perfectly fine, chirping out the occasional text message from my sister with whom I was having a pithy conversation and the next the screen is all stripey and utterly useless. Oh, the horror! It was 6:30 on a Saturday afternoon. I did what any red-blooded American would do, I hopped on the computer and immediately made an appointment at my nearest Apple store for that very evening. Heaven forbid I have to wait until Monday. I know. I see you rolling your eyes. Even in that moment I realized just how ridiculous I was being. But. My Calendar (that was capitalized on purpose, it's just that important) lives in there, and since I haven't bothered to set up a home phone yet, that's where everyone calls us. I know that Ty has two (count them, two) phones and we could have easily used them for the 24 hours I would have had to wait. But my church stuff is all on there too and all my little conversations with loved ones and my crosswords and scrabble (to prevent Alzheimer's obvs) and the whole thing was terribly upsetting in my ordered and very digital little world. So, I went that evening, and they gave me a new one and everything was alright.

And I remembered, once again, what a hypocrite I am.

hale and hearty- thankful

This week I have had a rotten cold. I sound like a croak-y frog. It is not attractive. It's the first time I've been sick in months and months. Granted, I seem to get pretty sick a couple of times a year, but that's it.  No cancers or serious anythings. I haven't even needed c-sections. Everything works well most of the time. I ask really a lot of my body  (way to much time at the gym or the track, crazy diets, not enough sleep) and it always just sort of does it.  I can run for miles and bend into all sorts of interesting shapes at yoga. My blood pressure is awesome and all those other numbers are great too. I don't even get injured nearly as often as I deserve to. I am constantly complaining about not being exactly the size and shape I have decided I want to be but, really, I can't complain.

*I am frantically knocking on wood as I post this, just in case something is listening.

my enemy, my friend

I have issues with food. You see, I reallly like most of it (red meat is disgusting, but otherwise, yum). I like to cook, bake, and eat it. My metabolism is not o.k. with this sort of behavior. Apparently it's all sorts of lazy, so I diet. When I diet, I am serious about it. I am a nut, and then I slip, because that's what you do after a while on insanely strict diets. And all I want to eat are white, homemade rolls with mounds of melting butter and chocolate. And so I do. I can't seem to find the middle ground. You know, where you are just super aware of what you eat and occasionally, have a small treat. My all-or-none attitude apparently extends even to my eating habits. I want to view food as fuel for my healthy, strong body. Even as an experience, occasionally, but never, ever as comfort or security. I know that I am better than most. I rarely buy processed food (except chocolate) and I cook from scratch most days. We eat fruits and vegetables and take vitamins every day. But sometimes I wish I didn't have to count every single calorie that I even thought about eating. I wish 10 hours a week at the gym was enough. I wish I had a violent allergy to all white food. Perhaps, I'll try that twinkie diet. I could probably stick to that one.

for health and strength- thankful

Yesterday I had breakfast with some my dearest. We were discussing my recent lackluster marathon performance among other things and I was sheepishly promising to do better next time. Then Amy piped up. I adore everything about Amy. She is kind and thoughtful and hilarious. She is one of the most genuine, sincere people I know. She also struggles with some serious health issues which I often forget about due to her boundless energy and generally sunny disposition. She told me to be grateful for a body that was able run 26+ miles because there were many that couldn't. She said this in the sweetest, most not-judgemental way imaginable. And I am a schmuck. I complain about being chubby and slow. But my body has never failed to do what I ask of it. Ever. My level of performance is limited only by my commitment and determination and the occasional virus. I spent the rest of the day vowing to show my gratitude by making better use of this amazing gift. And to be a little more like Amy.

on the wagon...again

(must do more sit-ups...)

I am a serial dieter. If you have known me  longer than five minutes you know this and it is probably the thing about me that drives you nuts. It drives me nuts.  When I don't eat many (and by that I mean hardly any) carbs my body sheds fat and eventually gets to a place that I don't hate. But I love carbs. Love them. All of them. So I do really well for a while and I loose a few of those stubborn pounds and then I think of a reason why I need my carbs back. Then I plateau. If I'm lucky. This is why I am still not quite back to where I should be and the baby is three. This weekend was a carb fest. Yum. Yum. Triple yum. (five points if you get that reference). Yesterday was supposed to be the first day back on the wagon, but it wasn't. So, it's today. Sigh. If you see me about to gobble up something sweet or bread-y, slap my hand and take it away from me because while I despise dieting, I despise this tummy of mine even more. Also- Thankful posts start tomorrow. Sort of forgot it was November already. I guess that today I am thankful for the South Beach Diet and it's amazing effects when I am faithful.

rosy colors of fall

I love October in Kansas, but probably not for tha same reasons most people are fond of the spookiest of months. Don't get me wrong. I adore the changing of the leaves and all that comes with it. It just doesn't really get going here untill well into the month. Much of my garden in still green and growing. Especially the roses. They seem to love the cooler temperatures and have one last, great blooming in October. They will bloom sporadically until the first hard frost (often not until December here), but this is their last really big hurrah for the season. As always, I am enchanted.

little miss sunshine

First:
Obviously, September is not going to be the month in which I post every single day. I admit it, perhaps October. Probably, but you shouldn't hold your breath.

Second:
I have been ruminating on this post for a couple of weeks now. I am not happy with it. It didn't come out the way I wanted it to be. But I posted it in a hurry and now I'm all angsty about it. I sounded like Pollyanna or someone equally clueless about real life. I recognize that there are great hurts and sadnesses that shape who we are, who we become, that those things are a massive part of the human experience. I didn't mean to downplay those things. Hopefully though, these great hurts are few and far between. Hopefully we spend the majority of our lives searching for the great joys and often finding them. That's what I really meant to say. Mostly.

only one of the many reasons I will never be a famous blogger

So me and my consistancy have been a little iffy lately. So. Today is september 1st. I am going to blog daily for the entire emonth of September and see how it goes. Unfortunately for all of you, I have nothing particularly clever to say today, I do however have a link to suggest. ( how very famous-blogger-y of me, right?).

Do you read this one? 'Cause I find it to be hysterical. You know what with my perfection complex and all.

falling short

(Whatever, so I'm not them)

So today I was supposed to run a twenty. I only made it 18. Partially because I ran out of time but mostly because that was just all I could do today. That's still pretty good. I ran farther than anyone else on that track today. Lately, I am trying to be satisfied with the best I can do. I am not ever going to meet many of my own standards and the best I can do is all I can do. Angst about what I can't do is sort of useless and it's not like I have the energy and time to spare. Next week I will run twenty, if it kills me, promise. See how I am all self-actualized and stuff?

you know, 'cause I have free time coming out my ears

I'm relatively sure I have an addictive personality. It's probably a pretty good thing that I'm a teetotaler because I can't even keep my harmless addictions (running, sewing, diet coke, wow, I could just keep going here) under control. I have found a new one and it's eating up all sorts of previously underutilized time, preschool drop off line, grocery store line, bed time wind down, watching Ty kill aliens with his brothers, playground lurking, cross training on the elliptical, etc. Did you know you can get the New York Times crossword puzzles on your phone? Every single day? Past puzzles also available?!!! You can. It's awesome. It makes me so happy when I finally fill in that final block. Every time it makes me happy, the joy does not diminish with repeated success. I'm finishing like, two a day. And learning all sorts of totally random and useless facts. I wonder if I can write them a thank you note? Or a fan letter?

bang, bang

I just round-brushed my bangs. At 8 o'clock at night. At 5 o'clock tomorrow morning I will put it all into a hat and get it all sweaty and disgusting, and then wash it again. So basically I did my bangs for sleeping and for the 30 second glimpse of myself that I will get in the bathroom mirror on my way out in the morning. See last night I also took an evening shower and simply fell into bed with wet hair and this mornings' result was pretty amazing. My bangs performed some sort of Shirley Temple spirals while the rest of my hair varied between possessed waves and bent-in-half while sleeping. I can't believe my husband came home tonight after kissing that goodbye and it's a darn site lucky that I received no packages this morning because any delivery man would have been bound by his oath of office to call the police to report the crazy person who had taken up residence in my house. Lately the old fringe and I have been struggling for dominance. Humidity is not on my side. This evenings activities have led me to a decision. I am growing the stupid things out. Take that southern Kansas in July. I realize that my face looks better with them and that they make me look younger but they are more work than all the rest of my hair combined. And I remember really liking my hair before bangs. And looking way less insane first thing in the morning.

a small wallow

I am a social creature.  I adore my friends and tend to have lots. This is not due to anything on my part but the fact that I want to be around people most of the time so I foster any relationship that interests me in the slightest. But I have started to notice something about my friends. They are all superstars.They are all extra great at what ever it is that they focus their energy upon. They are not middle of the road people. Not one of them. They are volunteers, artists, supermoms, professionals, doctors. They know their schedule by heart, they know my schedule by heart. They create amazing works of art in their spare time. They work out hard six days a week. they cook healthy, home made dinners every night. Their houses are clean, they are effortless hostesses. They spend hours volunteering in the their kids' schools and the wider community. They are mostly skinnier and prettier than me. They do the same things i do, but better. They run faster, write more eloquently and control their tempers completely.They are reading this and scoffing out loud because they don't see it in themselves but they are, quite literally, amazing. Most of the time I revel in being surrounded by these super inspirational people and I love them but this week I feel like the 14 year-old who somehow got invited to the party at the cheerleaders house and just knows it's a mistake. And I am waiting for them to notice that I am not so very awesome but much closer to average.  And that lately, I just can't keep up. And that I compensate by talking to much and laughing to loudly. Is it weird to feel intimidated by people you love, by people who, by all accounts, love you? 'Cause today, I kind of am.

maybe just a little addicted

(I actually did almost all of these this morning. Almost.)

After the marathon, I took this week off from working out. Because that's what you're supposed to do. I hated it. Probably I should be more zen about the whole thing but by Tuesday I felt like a lazy, lazy caterpillar. This morning I went back to the gym. Power yoga with my favorite teacher. She isn't kidding about the "power" part. It was hard and sweaty and stretchy. It was wonderful. Sublime. My muscles feel all warm and happy. I didn't feel the slightest bit guilty when I ate breakfast afterwards. Can't wait to run on Monday.

nervous nellie

I was never a nervous flyer. I was usually well into my book long before take-off and noticed nothing else until someone brought me a drink. If I bothered to pay attention at all I found the whole thing, I found it exhilarating and amazing what modern man had accomplished. When I have flown with my children as babies they were all that I could pay any attention to, after all flying with an infant is plenty busy all by itself. This time was a  little different. The boys are a little older and they sit a little more nicely. I had a little more time to think about all that we were risking with all my dear ones in the same flying tube. (I realize driving is way more dangerous but familiarity has made me callous about it.) You know that part at the end of Say Anything when they are on the plane and he tells her that most plane crashes take place in the first 20 minutes and that if they make to the part where they turn off the seat-belt sign then they are pretty safe. They sit there just staring at the sign waiting for the light to turn off. The movie ends with the ding. I felt the same way. I kept waiting for that light to turn off before I could quite breathe easily. On all four flights. Silly.

(vacation pictures tomorrow)

all the things that bloom in january

You may have noticed that my posting of resolutions has slowed.

Mmm-hmm. That's because I haven't finished those others yet. Or even gotten to where I'm totally consistent. For example, I had forgotten how really early in the morning 5:30 is and apparently I can turn off my alarm clock without actually becoming conscious. I have only scratched the surface when it comes to my organize /purge initiative,  but the linen closet is truly lovely. I am still tweaking a schedule that gives me time to work on my business every day and still lets me get everything else done.

This is my least favorite part of resolutions. They aren't instant. All the awesome changes I have decided upon take quite a little while to really implement. I realize that it's only 3 weeks into the new year but honestly, I was hoping to be a little farther along by now. Ah, bah. Baby steps, I suppose.

On the bright side, my Amaryllis is blooming like crazy. And last night I dreamt of peonies (the flower dreams are getting a little out of hand, but hey that means flower pics two days in a row).

#7-Stay the course and be patient

seasonally inappropriate

I've been dreaming of roses. Dreaming of my ever-growing rose garden covered in blooms. Giant, rainbow colored flowers everywhere. I've already picked out several new plants to order as soon as the ground is warm enough to plant them. I've been researching how to get my cuttings to take more effectively and even how to get seeds from the rose hips and start new plants that way. It's going to be a bit of a wait for roses, even the spring bloomers probably won't until April or so. Not sure how I got so obsessed by these thorny beasts but I can't get them out of my head, even in January. I wonder if I could get a mini cutting to bloom in my kitchen? I'm off to my rose books, there must be a way.

avoiding the crowd

There were a million people at my gym at 9:00 this morning. I'm only slightly exaggerating. I realize that I am a gym snob but I honestly believe that if you can't be bothered to come in December, then you aren't allowed in January. Most of these people will have fallen off the wagon by next month and in the meantime they are taking up all the towels and prime parking spaces. Luckily most days I go at 5:30 AM.  At least, that's the plan. You see, I find that this discourages the faint of heart and I don't have to park at Home Depot to go running. Also, my whole day just goes better. I am dressed and ready and exercised before children are up. We have pretty good shot at making it to school on time with beds made. If I get up. I have done this before and once I get going, I always love it. I love how I feel all day after having already worked out, I love being ready for the day for good before I do anything else, I love feeling a tiny bit smug (only to myself) when I see someone at pick-up in work-out gear. I love having time during the day to keep up on my house and sometimes even my business. I love not spending the day trying to figure out when I am going to fit it in. I just don't love getting out of bed. Not ever really but certainly not before the sun. But I always come back to this schedule and the order it brings to my life because that's what I really crave. So, I am off to bed early this evening once again because tomorrow will be an early, orderly, productive day.

#5 Re-commit to my early morning training regimen because we all know it works best.

oh, how I will miss you

On New Years' Eve we went out with some of our favorite friends (see pics here). The next morning, as we sat around the breakfast table in the hotel, I declared the Diet Coke sitting in front of me to be the last one. I am dropping soda. It's not good  for me, it's bad for my teeth (even without sugar), it does bad things to your insulin levels and it contributes to my not drinking enough water. No more, I say! Except that I got home and realized that I had not finished up the last case I bought. I am sticking to my guns but you can't really expect me to refrain with the stuff ice cold and ready to go in my very own house! I am down to about 6 cans. When they are gone, there is no more and I am sure it will be great and I will be so much more healthy and blah, blah, blah. Sigh, I will miss you my friend.

#3 No more soda! (and by that I mean NONE)

tabula rasa

On December 26, I took down every single Christmas decoration. Just a month ago I was super thrilled to pull them all out of their bins and deck the halls. By the time the day finally rolled around, I was over it. My distinct lack of planning made for a rather stressful month. We had a lovely day together but by the next morning, I was finished. I didn't feel that urge to extend the season. Not this year. I am ready for the new year, ready for a new start, a clean slate. I want to purge every closet and cupboard. I want to re-evaluate my goals and adjust accordingly. This year I am getting it together for sure. Because we all know I love a theme I'm going to post many of my "stuff I want to do better" (I don't do resolutions). Supposedly, you are more likely to be successful at goals if you write them down and tell other people about them. Ta-da! Thanks to you lovely people, I can do both. Feel free to pass along your advice should it apply.

#1- Eat less sugar and more vegetables because then I will be heathier and skinnier and I won't get cavities..