just a number

I have always been really happy with my legs. They are relatively long and not overly fat or dimply. Today I wore the kind of shoe that makes any leg look a million miles long. I saw my own reflection in a window and I didn't hate it, I even kind of liked it. I have some friends who, I think, are a little worried about me. I have been really obsessed lately with the number on the scale. They say, "But you look great..." I actually feel pretty great but I'm not all the way there yet. It's not that I want to fit into anyones image of beauty or health, I just want to be my own best self and I am not there yet. I don't actually care what I weigh when I get there, I just know what it looks like, in the mirror, sans clothes. The number is just something to focus on while I try to do whatever it takes to get me to that happy (healthy) shape. I don't buy the idea that because I have had children my body can never be what I want it to be again. I might just have to work harder to get there. It might take a little more time than I would like. And so I obsess about a meaningless number to make me feel like I have a little more control. Maybe it would be better if I didn't care what I looked like, but I don't think so. I think it's vital that I take the very best care of my body that I can so that I can teach my children to do the same. It's one of the greatest gifts God has given me and I don't want to take it for granted. Plus, it would be a pity to let great legs like mine go to waste.