the things I learned

Last year was not my favorite year. I am not fond of chaos and upheaval. 2014 had included a new baby in house long since free of diapers, a promotion, and family moving nearby. All good things. All chaotic and anxious-making. I was all ready for 2015 to be a year in which we just floated, a year when nothing interesting happened. There were to be no life changing events. I know, because I had a plan, as I often do, and it included no such nonsense. And then tax day. We had filed the night before since we had to pay, we had waited until the last possible second. I went to yoga that morning to wind down my stress level after all of that mess. On the second to last pose of the class my sweaty foot slipped on the wood floor and all my carefully laid plans went to hell. Such a ridiculous, silly thing brought my house of cards crashing down. You all know this story. Seven weeks in bed, supported by my amazing family and friends who took over and ran my life while I watched from my exile. That was followed by a lonely summer of baby steps with the physical therapist. Slowly, slowly I tried to find myself again. But lots of things weren't the same. Relationships and routines and my own sense of balance  (physical and emotional) all needed healing And then one day, my Mom went to the doctor for a stomach ache and 48 hours later was admitted to the hospital to start her chemo treatments. 1543 miles is a long ways to be when your mom has cancer. We talked and still talk almost every day. She's getting better. She lost all her hair but she got rid of the cancer in the meantime. She's got a few more weeks of radiation and she's all done. Lately she and I have been talking about moving forward. Finding one's way back to oneself. Or a new self, because, it turns out, we truly are defined by our struggles. The years when I coast through are not the years that I will continue to ponder for the rest of my life. They aren't the years that I continue to learn from long after they are over. We are greatly blessed. I had great medical care, health insurance, money to pay the bills, and people who love us unconditionally. My mom lives near one of the top cancer treatment hospitals in the county, her type of cancer is curable and her body handled a really aggressive treatment remarkably well and my dad was there to take care of her. This will not be my hardest year. It isn't even my hardest year to date but it is a year with ripples that I'm still feeling and I'm hoping that this year, I can coast a little while I'm thinking about all the lessons I'm still learning.