I had a plan. It wasn't complicated or tricky but it was a plan, a schedule of how I was going to work my life. I've reached a what was supposed to be a crossroads and despite my very best efforts things are not in order. I can't responsibly proceed with the plan and I'm so sad. I tried so hard to make everything perfect, to tick off all the boxes and yet nothing is right. There has been no great derailing, just a severe lack of progress on so many fronts. It shouldn't matter whether it's now or later or even never. But. It does and I'm so incredibly disappointed. And for that I feel guilty, because I am so greatly blessed. And so very sad.