Thursday, May 13, 2010

looking for zen in a bullseye

Last night, as soon as Ty walked in the door, I left. I was Fed. Up. Johnny had been very naughty. Tommy had been very high strung. Nothing but normal. Between the two of them I was at the end of my proverbial rope. I admit that there was yelling, in my mean voice. I hate my mean voice. So. In a torrential downpour I drove to the most calming place I could think to go besides yoga (too bugged for yoga). I went to Target. I got everything on my list because no one talked to me the entire time. I put in my earphones and completely tuned out every other person in the store and I didn't feel the least bit guilty. I tried things on, I meandered through seldom visited departments. I came home feeling almost human. And then there was today. And Ty had to work late (although he did bring me yellow roses for which he gets at least 17 points). And I didn't need anything form Target. And my current sewing project and I are having an extended argument. Besides, they trashed the house again and I never can sleep with it like this. I wish I felt O.K. about the fact that sometimes, I think my job is really hard. And that's the news from Moodyville, good night and good luck.


Linn said...

Oh friend, I'm so sorry that was such a terrible day. Those are the worst and I think you made a great decision to get away and get some quiet time. Your job is really hard. That is why it is so worth it. But that doesn't mean there won't be days that you seriously question if it is worth it and feel bad about how you are handling it all. That is what we call "being human." Please know you aren't alone. Believe me, I am in that boat, and as far as I know, every mother out there feels the same way at times. You are wonderful. And I adore you.

Linn said...

Oh, and especially know, you are an AMAZING mom! Because you are.