Thursday, October 9, 2008

here's why

I feel the need to explain yesterday's post. This week I decided to try to wean off my post-partum anti-depressant. Perhaps not the best week to do so. We were late everywhere we went. On Wednesday, I never did get around to drying my hair, which was fine because the baby later vomited in it, twice. On Tuesday I took Johnny to have a Radiologist watch him drink Barium through an x-ray machine. He didn't tell me anything. I can't sleep, so I'm tired. I'm tired so I'm grouchy and I sort of want to cry all the time. I seldom see Mara anymore (she lives in Vienna for Heavens' sake) but in the last few weeks I have had more contact with her than usual. I read an essay she wrote on the same day that my little boy sobbed in front of an x-ray machine. Her littlest has had many more tests than mine, and they have yet to receive a definitive answer. She wrote about the experience for her and for both of her children. It helped. I didn't feel quite so crazy for insisting that they figure out what is going on with my baby. I didn't feel so alone. She is still full of grace and ideas, so maybe I can be too. Of course, that is assuming that I pick up my prescription this morning, I (to my great disappointment) am not quite ready to regulate my own hormones. But for today I will wear my purple shoes and think of my far away friend who has already done what I am doing and is not only ok, but thriving.

5 comments:

Reluctant Nomad said...

I hate doctors (Sorry Nate). But I love you. Thanks for your encouragement and love. I'm sheepish about your praise but grateful for your friendship. Always.

Amber said...

Horrible week. You don't have to be the superwoman society has told us we can be. You only have to be the superwoman your children think you are. The one that magically kisses things better, lets them eat bugs, and swears in the closet where they can't hear. Hope you have one really fabulous day out of the coming 7. :)

Carrie said...

Bad days may seem like they are often, but remember they make the good days spectacular! Maybe your good day will be the 19th? I will be thinking of you:-)

Adri said...

Oh, Angie! I'm sorry about your yucky week. But, so glad you have purple shoes to pick you up again. We've done the swallowing study under x-ray, too, and many other icky hospital tests, with Dallin. My prayers will be with you and those docs...hopefully a solution is in Johnny's NEAR future.

And, I love your ode to Mara. Isn't it great to have such a wonderful friend?

erin said...

I'm sorry you've been having such a terrible week! You are in my prayers, lady.