good germs, bads germs- thankful

Over the course of the last five weeks this kid

has spent four of them on antibiotics. He has serious problems with his sinuses. He had surgery last spring to help, and it did, for like four months. Now we are back where we started. He has been trouble from the beginning. Colic for four long months. Acid reflux with a bonus of projectile vomiting until he was 2 and a half. He is currently on his second set of ear tubes and will probably need at least one more set soon. Nasty infections followed by doctor visits and rounds of antibiotics. But eventually they help. The infections don't spread to other parts of his little body. My doctors aren't forced to watch helplessly as he gets sicker. They can do something. Lots of somethings. We have health insurance that pays for most of it. And so instead of being a tragedy or even just a terrible hardship, it is mostly an inconvenience. I'll take inconvenience any day. In the meantime, I am considering in investing his entire college fund in Kleenex stock.

Out, damn spot!

Friday morning I went to the gym like I was supposed to. I picked up the kids, made dinner, all the normal stuff. It was Ty's night to kill aliens so I picked up a redbox and went to bed early thinking that the morning's workout or maybe Thursday's long run had left me a little more sore than I expected to be.  By the the time I woke up Saturday morning I had 103 degree fever, a hacking couch and hurt so badly that I was pretty sure I might die at any time. Worst. day. ever. By the end of the day we were pretty sure I was the first person on our block to get the dreaded flu. I was scheduled to get my vaccination this morning. Sigh. Luckily my very favorite local doc was willing to call in some Tamiflu for me, knowing that I was supposed to run a marathon in short seven days. Sunday was only slightly better. And I started to get nervous. I have been trying to get into this race for two years, training for four months. Missing it for some stupid virus would be heartbreaking. Monday I was able to walk around. I got dressed and took the kids to school. I did laundry and I coughed. And coughed, and coughed. It's so hard to run when you are coughing, it's hard to do most things when you are coughing. Feeling very nervous now. At about 7:30 my body informed me that it was finished for the day and that we were going to bed no matter how many loads of laundry were left to fold. But the coughing made it hard to get to sleep, so I worried. But I did sleep and while I was sleeping I didn't cough. Today, I am still coughing, but less, I think. And I feel closer to what I am supposed to feel like. We leave in the morning but the race isn't until Saturday. If I can stay on this curve, less coughing, better feeling every day, I should be o.k. by then. I hope. Cross your fingers. And your toes.

for health and strength- thankful

My white blood cell count has been low for a while. They are doing lots of blood tests to find out why. For a while I was worried but I'm not anymore. See, the Doc already confirmed that I do not have leukemia or any of the other terrible things I found on the very helpful Mayo clinic website. I feel a little icky lately but that's it.What ever is causing these strange test results is minor. I am healthy.

I run lots of miles every week with no ill affects, my legs are strong and flexible, my lungs able to bear the strain, craving the challenge. My eyes see near and far with no aid at all. I hear clearly and distinctly. My skin is clear and unmarred by anything more serious than a faint wrinkle or freckle. I have had the amazing experience of both carrying and bearing two children with no incident. Every part of my body works perfectly and I usually take it for granted. I get all out of joint when I get a sinus infection or my glands are a little swollen. What a miracle that all these complex systems should work so well, that there should be no mistakes, no missing parts, no deficiencies. No terrible accident or illness has robbed me of any of these things. How did I get so lucky, so blessed? I am even more humbled when I see that same perfection in my little ones, terrified at the same time. I don't deserve it any more than anyone else does. Anymore than anyone deserves infertility, diseases, both mild and unimaginably awful, terrible accidents or small mistakes in a genetic code that change everything. Perhaps if I don't appreciate it, don't really make the most of it, it will taken away. Maybe someday something will happen that will change everything no matter what I do today. 

I don't want to waste it, don't want to miss out on it while I have the chance to really experience it all, just in case.

shots in the dark- thankful

Hopefully (cross your fingers!)my boys are getting the H1N1 vaccine this afternoon. Finally. Luckily, we haven't had it yet. Asthma doesn't really mix all that well with this version of influenza and we just don't need a hospital visit this winter if we can help it. And we can. I know there is lots of controversy about vaccines but I am so grateful. So grateful that my children will never get polio, meningitis, tuberculosis or any of the other nasty illnesses covered by the standard round of shots. Maybe they wouldn't have died or lost their hearing if they had gotten measles, but I prefer not having to worry about it. I'd rather worry about colds and  allergies, what kindergarten to choose and whether or not I offer enough vegetables at the dinner table. For a long time I had no idea how awful some of these diseases had the potential to be. I read a book a few years ago chronicling the experience of one girl as she suffered through polio and I became fascinated. I started asking those in my life who remembered about all these illnesses. They started by telling me that everyone got measles and mumps and whatnot. They followed that up with a laundry list of terrible complications suffered by many of the people they knew, of those who hadn't made it. Those complications and deaths were a minority, but it doesn't make it any better if your child is in that minority.  I have read the research, the studies, the processes that have to happen before these vaccines make it to market. I have talked to every Doc I know (and weirdly, I know a lot) and I believe, along with the AMA, that these are safe. That they are life-saving. There are lots of bad things that could potentially happen to my little ones but I am exceedingly grateful that I can shorten the list, at least a little.