what a difference a day makes

One year ago next week Ty came out to Memphis for his final interview for a job. It was a really exciting opportunity and we were thrilled when he got it. Thus began one of the most difficult years of our lives. He moved to Tennessee in September. We planned to follow shortly thereafter when our sold, but it didn't. And didn't, and didn't. After almost 7 months of living apart, of not being able to plan anything more than a few weeks in advance, of constant stomachaches and heartaches, we decided to move forward. We found a new home in two days, Ty did it without me. The kids and I moved in on April 1. They started school and I started trying to build our lives here, always with that unwanted tether to our old life. We finally closed on the Kansas house earlier this week. It sold for far less than we ever imagined and it will take us years to recover from the financial hit we've taken on this. That fact makes the closing bittersweet and I'm not quite used to the fact that this is finally over. But. I love it here. Our town is delightful, it has a lovely sense of community and an old fashioned town square that everyone adores. It's beautiful here, the flowers are vibrant and enormous, people are polite and thoughtful, my kids' schools are fantastic. This place is a perfect fit for us. Regardless of the cost, I would pay it again to be here now. I am so happy and so, so ready to be looking towards the future instead of the past.

hurry up and wait

I have this picture saved on my phone. I look at it multiple times a day. Anytime my tummy gets that icky, 'this is all too much' feeling, I look at it. If all goes as planned (knocking on wood), in a little over three weeks my boys and I will move into this house just outside of Memphis and my husband will too. We will all live together in the same house (let alone the same city, state, etc.) It's not the perfect plan I had hoped for. We still own a house in Kansas, so that will be two houses, which is really more than I need but that can't possibly last forever (can it?!) and all this time in pieces of a family has started to feel like forever. So. We are moving on, without the closure I was hoping for, but with an eye towards pushing forwards anyway, with just a few strings attached. I have never actually been to this house. My dearest picked it out for me. He chose it for its giant front lawn, perfect for little boys who always want to run, for the big windows his light-craving wife requires, for all the space on the front porch for rocking chairs to watch the lightning bugs. Things are decided and it's time to go, except it's not. The mortgage is all arranged and the movers scheduled, the schools have been alerted and the paperwork is signed. My heart is aching as we start saying our goodbyes. And we are counting the days and planning a lovely spring.