Sonshine

the waiting game- doing it better

2012-01-30T15:04:00.000-06:00

So, lately, we have been doing a lot of waiting. Not really all that patiently either. I have been pretty grouchy about the whole thing. We are still waiting, but it turns out that being irritated and crabby about it isn't helping at all. Instead I decided to make a list of things that will make me sad when they come to an end because you know when this other thing ends, I won't be sad. There are some other things in our lives that will break my heart a little when they come to an end.

1. Johnny's lack of the letter 'r'. "Mommy, I will be afwaid of the dawk fowevew." Every times he speaks it's super, super adorable. Every. Time.

2. Tommy's toothless grin. He lost his two front teeth several months ago and I sort of melt a little bit every time he grins at me. His grown-up teeth are finally coming in (and are enormous, our orthodontist will be thrilled) and soon he will have a mouth full of those giant things. Sigh.

3. My super clean house. When your house is on the market, there is no cheating. It's supposed to be shiny, shiny clean all the time. Right this second beds get made every single day, counters get wiped, mirrors de-smudged, every single day, no matter what. We're pretty clean most of the time and all those things happen most the time but I kind of love having an excuse to be super obsessive about it. Shiny, shiny clean makes me super happy.

4. I'm a gym rat. I really hate that Ty doesn't live here anymore. I hate, hate, hate it. It makes sleeping very tricky and lonesome. I do, however have lots of gym time because it turns out that that's how I deal with stress the very best. The more I workout, the better I cope. I think in real life, the number of hours a week I am spending at the gym might be hard to justify but right now, I'm living on endorphins.

5. Being the object of concern. Every week at church 25 people ask me in that very concerned voice, "How are you doing?" Friends and family call to check on us. People invite us to dinner and sleepovers. I hate feeling like a project and honestly we are doing just fine but it's lovely to feel like the people in our lives genuinely care about us.

See, we're pretty lucky, after all.

for all the wrong reasons- doing it better

2012-01-18T16:13:00.000-06:00

You may remember the "doing it better" series from last January. It's all about not really making resolutions but just trying to be a little better at stuff that matters to me. So. Here goes.

I have become somewhat of a gym rat in the last several months. I am on a break from distance running (we had a fight because it didn't make me skinny, still not ready to forgive). I am sort of loving doing all these crazy hard classes every single day. I am loving getting in a yoga practice on most days. These things are also not making me skinny as far as I can tell. So I am no longer doing them to make me skinny. I am doing them because I love to wake up every morning, muscles aching a little from the previous day's workout. I love doing it a little faster or heavier than I did it the day before. I love that I went straight from crow to headstand yesterday without falling over. I love the rush of endorphins that is still humming through my body long after the workout. Skinny is different journey. This I am doing just because it feels fantastic.

the bitter with the sweet

2012-01-13T18:22:00.000-06:00

When I was a little girl I was taught that in the afterlife we will all have perfect memories of every moment of our time here. I think it was supposed to scare us straight. "Won't it be awful to remember each and every sin, every mistake with crystal clarity?" they would ask and, with my eyes wide, I would nod, mutely terrified. But this idea has been returning to me over and over lately. How scary, how sad will our mistakes be when we can see them with perspective, see where they led us, see the lessons we learned? And really, so many of the moments are breathtaking, kisses, hands geld, sly glances, children laughing, missing teeth, missing consonants, the smell of fancy, overpriced baby shampoo in golden hair, forts in the kitchen, secret brother plans, tears of all kinds, and so much more. My days are so full of things that I would give anything to hold onto forever, I will gladly remember the bitter, if only I can have the sweet.

faqs

2012-01-09T18:51:00.000-06:00

1. Is your house sold? When are you moving? Etc, etc, etc.?
No, no it's not. Hopefully things will pick up now that the holidays are over. We're not yet sure what we will do if they don't and I sooooo don't want to talk about it anymore. It just makes me feel sad and stressed.

2. When are you going to start blogging again.? (ok, not that many asked this question but it's kind of the purpose of the post)
Why, today, of course. January has me feeling all fresh-start-y and bloggy.

3. Does this mean you'll be writing every day?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- No, I will not be any better at that then I have been in the past. Well, maybe a little better.

4. Since it's January, will you be doing your ever popular 'doing it better' series this year?
Yup, starting tomorrow-ish.

nothing to say

2011-12-08T10:48:00.001-06:00

There are a lot of reasons why I will never be one of those famous, fancy bloggers. This is one of them. When my heart hurts, when I am not so copey, I don't want to write. I just don't have anything of value to say. You know, "if you can't say something nice" and all that. I am embarrassed by how hard this is for me. We are so very blessed and if this is the worst thing I have had to deal with in a long time then I am a lucky duck. But. I hate this. I am frustrated and heartbroken and lonely and there is nothing I can do to make it better. And I don't want to write about that every day. That would be pathetic and sort of icky and nobody wants to read that. I am fine, someday (hopefully soon) this will all be ok and then I will maybe be excited and want to write about things. But not now. Eventually, I will be back. Promise.

kicking a**- thankful

2011-11-21T13:33:00.001-06:00

This morning in boot camp there were a few extras. They were unintentionally skinny college girls who were home for the holiday. It's not their fault, but I sort of hate them for being skinny with little or no effort. I hate my own 20-year-old self for the same reason. I am not particularly happy with what I see in the mirror or on the scale these days but this morning, I was stronger and faster than every one of those toothpicks. So there.

Steph-a-rooni-macaroni- Thankful

2011-11-15T20:55:00.001-06:00

Today was not my favorite day. It was a gas men and ear infections and all schedules falling apart so that I can get nothing done sort of day. The kind of day when you know you will have to eat cookies for dinner just to soothe your soul. Right after I almost rammed into the UPS man in the driveway he handed me a package. I assumed it was a grocery sort of a thing I had ordered on Amazon, not super fun. When I finally got around to opening it a while later it was a floaty, swirly piece of chiffon that someone had turned into the skirt of my dreams. I had not ordered this little piece of perfection. The receipt bore the name of one of my dear sisters. She knew I'd love it, so she sent it to me. It was perfect and definitely the best things that happened to me today, possibly all week. She made me cry the good kind of tears. I'm sort of tearing up now just remembering. Thanks, Steph.

(You can read all about her adventures here)

and wealthy and wise- thankful

2011-11-14T20:32:00.001-06:00

So thankful for health and dental insurance because seriously, if you know us at all, you we need it.

by the light- thankful

2011-11-13T19:58:00.001-06:00

Have you seen the giant, shiny November moon the last couple of nights? It makes everything silvery and sort of magical. I have spent more time than is perhaps healthy gazing out of unlighted windows. It makes my heart happy when other things lately have been making it hurt.

those daniels boys- thankful

2011-11-11T20:55:00.001-06:00

This is Ty's brother Dylan, his lovely wife Regi (whom I adore) and their delightful little boys. Dylan is a Marine. He left his new bride after only a few weeks to serve his country. He took Baghdad in the early days of the Iraq war and he spent several years after he came home helping other veterans. He spent a while last night telling my seven-year-old what it means to be a veteran. Today we are thankful for Dylan.

dawns early light- thankful

2011-11-09T20:35:00.001-06:00

I know it's not politically correct, but I adore Daylight Saving time. I have to get up early and it's oh, so unpleasant to try and get up and function in the dark. By the afternoon when it gets dark a little earlier, I don't care. I'm already up and going at that point but even just that hint of coming sunrise makes early mornings just a little bit more palatable. That is one of only two reasons I can think of to avoid Arizona.

generational- thankful

2011-11-08T17:30:00.001-06:00

This is my Grandma Verna. Have her tell you her life story one of these days. It's amazing. She has been my confidant and my rock for many a year. When I have babies, she comes to take care of me. When my heart aches she always knows just what to do. She always has faith in me. And she thinks my children are wonderful.

when the circles are extra dark- thankful

2011-11-07T18:27:00.002-06:00

Last year my sister-in-law Di turned me on to this magic eye concealer stuff. She needed it then because she had newborn twins and a 3-year-old. Normally I need it because I stay up late and get up early and I have pale, pale skin. I need it now because Johnny hit me in the eye with the shower door last night and left me with quite the shiner. Thanks to this stuff you can't even tell that my children are trying to kill me.

for all the dogs unseen- thankful

2011-11-06T07:00:00.000-06:00

Today we are thankful for antihistamines. Stupid dog.

reading material- thankful

2011-11-05T15:34:00.001-05:00

Books. Can't do without them. I spend an obscene amount of money on books, regular and audio in any given year. I listen to books on my headphones while I run and sew and do laundry. I read every night when I go to bed. I have books on my phone and in my car. I love all of them. I have a fancy new Kindle coming later this month. I anticipate this making it way easier to hide my stacks.

hale and hearty- thankful

2011-11-05T07:00:00.000-05:00

This week I have had a rotten cold. I sound like a croak-y frog. It is not attractive. It's the first time I've been sick in months and months. Granted, I seem to get pretty sick a couple of times a year, but that's it. No cancers or serious anythings. I haven't even needed c-sections. Everything works well most of the time. I ask really a lot of my body (way to much time at the gym or the track, crazy diets, not enough sleep) and it always just sort of does it. I can run for miles and bend into all sorts of interesting shapes at yoga. My blood pressure is awesome and all those other numbers are great too. I don't even get injured nearly as often as I deserve to. I am constantly complaining about not being exactly the size and shape I have decided I want to be but, really, I can't complain.

*I am frantically knocking on wood as I post this, just in case something is listening.

cozy- thankful

2011-11-04T07:00:00.000-05:00

(These are not my exact sheets but mine are similar)

So I know that lots of you have been getting snow for a while but it just starting getting cold here yesterday. Their are still roses on my bushes in full bloom. I had to mow last week. But now it's cold and yucky and I pulled out the flannel sheets. Those softie guys make it way less bad to sleep alone in my big bed. And really hard to get up in the morning.

dj for my life- thankful

2011-11-03T07:00:00.000-05:00

The other day I was trying to remember the world before itunes. It's all sort of fuzzy but it seems like it wasn't nearly as fun. I have so, so much music, I have books, videos, podcasts, all kinds of stuff. It all downloads onto these tiny little devices that go everywhere. No tapes or cds or dvds to cluttering up my life. I can listen to literally anything I want, almost instantly, anywhere. How is is this not one of the coolest things ever? Oh wait. it is.

little monsters- thankful

2011-11-02T13:22:00.002-05:00

Trick-or-treating, because there are not many things as fun as dressing up in a costume and getting free candy. Except perhaps watching my little ones do it.

giving thanks

2011-11-01T13:19:00.000-05:00

Hooray! November is here and I am continuing my tradition of a thankful post every day. Things are not exactly as I would have them be just now but there is so very much for which to be grateful. Join me?

peck your head to a nub

2011-10-28T16:05:00.000-05:00

We listen to audiobooks in the car. I don't do this solely because it's good for my kids. I'm sure it is, but that's not really why. See, Tommy is a smart little monkey and he has a really lot of things to tell me. A. Lot. Of. Things. Plus, once Tommy starts talking, then Johnny feels the need to chime in and then they are both talking louder and louder over the top of each other and it's really just so very much talking. So. Much. If I put a book on, they are instantly and completely silent. It's pretty awesome, really. Lately we have been listening to Junie B. Jones. There are many of those. Many, many. Junie has a very distinctive way of speaking. She uses lots of big words and she doesn't use contractions. It's adorable. Until I started doing it. In the last three days I have heard myself use at least three different Junie-isms. It's probably not all that adorable coming from grown-up me. Sorry, everyone.

like a baby's bottom

2011-10-27T07:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I have facials when I want to feel fancy. Or less gray and wrinkly. I had a microdermabrasion a few months ago (thank you, Groupon) and afterwards my skin was so pretty that people in real life commented about it. Until two days later, when whatever chemicals the used after the scrubby part made my skin break-out like I haven't done since I was a young 'un. But I so loved what the scrubby part did that I have been trying to find a way to recreate it at home without the weekly (I kid you not) visits recommended by that woman. My regular facialist /wax lady has, in the past recommended a fancy-schamncy version of this little doohicky. It's like $250 so I never really considered it. Olay's version is about $30 so I decided to give it a shot. I am super thrilled with how fresh and lovely my skin is looking these days. I love it forever and think that everyone should get one.

No one paid or gave me free stuff (not that I would turn it down) me to say that, it's not really that kind of blog.

i'm fine, thanks for asking

2011-10-25T07:00:00.000-05:00

I have learned a few things since my husband moved out. Wanna hear about them? Great.

1. Much of the mess in my house apparently comes from my spouse. Much. Also laundry.
2. I do not like to go to bed alone. So I stay up waaaay to late.
3. It turns out that I really only cook dinner for my husband. My kids don't care.
4. 9.5 hours is along time to drive on a regular basis.
5. My cruise control is not working correctly. It gets 'tired' every thirty minutes or so and has to take a break.
6. Going to the gym during the daytime (as opposed to the wee hours of the morning) takes like half of my day.
7. Skype is kind of buggy.
8. I don't like this one bit but there are lots of worse things and we are o.k.
9. I am madly in love with that guy.
10. I wear mascara even when I will not see a single adult all day long. I cannot defend this.

late for a very important date

2011-10-24T12:09:00.000-05:00

Tommy's birthday was three weeks ago but we've been kind of busy. We're a little better now.

achy-breaky

2011-09-28T10:17:00.000-05:00

It's really only been five days. Not long at all. It feels like a jillion years. And a million miles. We have been apart before. It's not like he didn't travel for work of whatever. I was fine. I missed him, but time passed quickly and he came home. He's not coming home this time. I don't know how long he will be away, which is, I think, the very worst part. I know lots and lots of people have it worse, spouses that are gone forever or are in war zones. I feel guilty about my heartache. But it does ache. So I wander around my life listening to angsty music, wearing giant sunglasses to hide my eyes. I am busy, busy, busy hoping I will have less time to think, to miss what is gone, to worry. Turns out I am an excellent multi-tasker. I don't know how to make this better, how to be stronger. I see women do this all the time with grace and patience. I can't seem to. I don't want to be good at this.

sometimes, i'm useless

2011-09-01T10:52:00.000-05:00

What I am supposed to be doing: getting the house ready to sell, finding an apartment for Ty, ordering a copy of Tommy's birth certificate, mortgage pre- approvals, running, making beds, meeting with realtors. cleaning out closets, laundry, planning dinner, etc., etc., etc.

What I am actually doing: Playing on the internet, because, frankly, I can't even decide where to start. Sigh.

slipping into our blue suede shoes

2011-08-29T06:08:00.002-05:00

We are gypsies. In the fourteen years we've been married, we have moved ten times. We've been in Wichita for four years. The longest we have ever lived anywhere. We had a baby here. Tommy started school. Life rushed past. We have made some of the dearest friends we have ever had.

And we are off again. Ty has accepted a position with International Paper in Memphis. He leaves in a couple of weeks. The kids and I will join him once we sell the house. We are planning to live in Collierville. It's green, lovely and they have a historic town square and deep fried pickles. And Costco. I have been practicing my southern accent. We couldn't be more excited.

Johnny is 4

2011-08-27T18:03:00.000-05:00

not even surprised

2011-08-27T12:41:00.000-05:00

I have been trying to post the video of johnny's birthday interview since yesterday. As of yet, I have been completely outsmarted by my video camera. Working on it. Promise. Big announcement Monday (if you don't already know because I am BAD at secrets).
Kisses.

killing time

2011-08-24T10:35:00.000-05:00

I should be running right now. For three days in a row I have gotten up early to run my long run and then haven't. There is stuff happening at my house. Stuff I am not allowed to blog about until next week. If you see me in real life, ask me and I will tell you. Otherwise, you just have to be patient. Anyhoo, this stuff is making me nuts. It's pretty big stuff that kind of changes everything. This morning I officially decided not to run the race that I have been training for all summer. I find I am disappointed and just a little relieved. It's just too much all at once and my head won't stop spinning. I have a later race in mind but we'll see how it all shakes out. So I got up this morning planning to head to the gym and run a medium long run, just because I like to but Tommy woke up with a sore throat and decided he needed to stay home from first grade. So I'm home. Playing on the computer because my old treadmill just isn't the same. Finally getting back to posting like I have been meaning to do, but just because it's better than my old creaky treadmill in the basement. Sigh. I know I'll feel better once I do it. I'm going down right now, I swear.

P.S. Check back tomorrow. Chances are pretty good I will be procrastinating something else by posting again.

hypocrite

2011-08-01T07:00:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I took the kids to a sprayer park. While were were there, I was interviewed by a local news station about the importance of sunscreen. I dutifully talked about sunburns and cancer and re-application. I was every bit the responsible, careful modern parent. But really, I miss tan lines. I miss lying in the sun for hours and feeling it soak into your bones. I miss that just-a-little-bit- too-warm-feeling your skin has after spending a bit too long at the pool. Last week I bought some tinted moisturizer. I bought the lightest color they had, as always. Remember when you had to buy a different shade in the summer because your skin was a different color? Not anymore. Not at my house anyway. I don't even miss the color that much on my face, and there's that whole wrinkles thing. But I miss the color on my arms and legs. It looks like summer. Last Friday I went to the pool with a friend. I only put sunscreen on my face and neck. And then I baked in the sun. The slight sunburn I got as a result feels like heaven. But my practical little heart will have me right back on track next time I head out, re-applying every hour, as directed.

meet me in st. louis

2011-07-15T14:32:00.001-05:00

We headed east with a friend of mine for little sightseeing (there isn't much of that in Wichita). We saw the Arch. We had to go through metal detectors. I found this concerning and reassuring all at the same time. You ride to the top in a little tiny car with window. The window has a view of the inside of the huge metal structure. If you are claustrophobic, I recommend skipping this attraction. We are not, so we got to look out the little windows at the top and see for a jillion miles across Missouri. Then we piled back into the little car to head down. Down is faster than up which my little daredevils found
thrilling. It is a huge, beautiful, amazing structure. While you are there you should also head over to City Museum a few blocks away. Best. childrens'-ish. museum. ever. You could literally spend days and days there and never find all the fun. We spent a day and now my children would like to replace the stairs in our home with wire cages for climbing between levels like they have. I said no, but they are still lobbying. It would give them something physical to do when it is 108 degrees outside...

he lives in one, under the sea

2011-07-15T14:15:00.000-05:00

Last night at dinner Johnny informed me that he collected rocks... and pineapples. His treasure chest is full of rocks so I found the first unsurprising. I anticipate the second causing a storage conundrum. Should I build shelves? How do long do pineapples last on the shelf? How many does he need to fill this deep-seated desire to collect pineapples? What will we do in the off- season? Do they have to be organic? This is what comes of shielding my children from the temptation of pokemon cards. I take full responsibility.

breakable

2011-07-02T15:39:00.000-05:00

I have been greatly blessed or very lucky, depending on how you look at it. There has no great tragedy in my life. Those I love, for the most part, are healthy and well.

I am so thankful.

Yesterday there was a terrible accident and a woman I know lost a beloved child, her granddaughter. In the blink of an eye that will haunt her family, she was gone. My heart aches for her and hers. I stopped by to drop off food because that is what one does. I have never seen such pain first hand. Their hearts are broken. I can't imagine.

Today I find myself touching my little ones every chance that I get. Because I can't fathom losing one of them like that. In a moment. Last night my prayers were filled with grateful admisssion of my luck and pleas to keep my babies safe.

And to soothe those broken hearts. I am so, so very sorry for their heartache and devastation. And reminded of how very delicate my joy is.

unintended guilt trip

2011-05-25T14:30:00.000-05:00

(I am posting this generic pic of my phone because I don't know how to do that image capture thing where I can show you the screen of my phone. It would have been better, but, c'est la vie.)

So, a few days I got a text asking if I had closed my etsy shop. Nope is the answer. The texter responded that she had noticed it was empty whilst checking my blog ( you know, the one I haven't posted to for at least umpteen weeks). Gah. She innocently highlights the two things at which I am sucking the most lately in two, succinct texts. Sigh.
And so, once again, a resolution to do better and to update those who care on the happenings around here.
The following list details all things of importance that have happened since our last communique.

1. Tommy lost a tooth and the fairy brought him a golden dollar. Now, he is rich.
2. I went to KC with some of my favorites and sang loudly until I lost my voice at a piano bar.
3. It rained the entire weekend that my FIL was here so instead of painting, he rebuilt my bay window. He is coming to do more free work this weekend. He is my favorite.
4. Johnny had a preschool program at which he sang loudly, did all the actions and commented occasionally. Loved it.
5. We considered and prepared for and ultimately decided against a life-changing sort of decision.
6. Two of my nephews had birthdays. I called my beloved SIL only weeks ago to verify the exact dates. Then I missed them anyway.
7. Johnny learned all of his letters. Seriously, in like, a week. Thank you, Leapfrog movies.
8. That same week, he got a cavity.
9. I did not work on the apron order from a new friend that has been sitting in my sewing room for two months, but I did get fabric for new drapes in the kitchen.
10.Tommy finished Kindergarten. He did so nonchalantly and with little fanfare because he is Tommy and that's how he rolls.

There were other things but ten is a nice round number so I am stopping now. Perhaps I'll go work on that order or something. Probably, something, let's be honest.

rain, rain, go away

2011-04-20T10:00:00.000-05:00

Right this minute it is 62 degrees inside my house. I have goosebumps. I had to turn the heat back on. There is a storm blowing in. Normally I am a big fan of spring storms, not this week. See, my dear father-in-law is flying in tomorrow to paint my house. Yes, he is just that awesome. However, rain will ruin everything. I just need a couple of clear days. This house really needs to be painted and I really don't want or know how to do it all by myself. Everybody cross your fingers and hold your breath. You may stop on Tuesday or after I post pictures of my newly painted house. Thanks.

out of the mouths...

2011-04-16T15:53:00.000-05:00

Ty:" Tommy, I'm heading out for an errand and when I get back we will work on our experiment, O.K.?"
Tommy: "O.K., Dad, Just make sure you don't get arrested."
Ty: "I'll keep that in mind."

my little enforcer, and his brother, the ambassador

2011-04-15T11:28:00.000-05:00

So, some of you have already heard this story. Actually, most of you. Too bad. It's funny, so I'm writing about it anyway.

A few weeks ago we headed over to the salon for the boys' monthly haircuts. Kyle has been cutting their ( and our) hair since we have lived here. He is not a new person in their lives. Having their haircut is not a new experience. Neither one of them made it past their first birthday before monthly haircuts were required just to keep them from looking like no one loved them. Tommy went first, as always. He spent his time in the chair chatting to Kyle about how important it is to be responsible and that being a kind, thoughtful older brother is super important. I kid you not. When it was Johnny's turn, he climbed up into the chair and gave Kyle a dazzling grin. He then informed him," If you cut my toes off, I will give you a knuckle sandwich." The haircut proceeded as usual.

lenting it all go

2011-04-12T11:47:00.000-05:00

Technically, we don't celebrate Lent. But I want to, so I do, all by myself. I love the idea of a time of self- denial and improvement. A time to better one's self. And in the spring when I'm feeling all nest-y. It's perfect. For this year's informal Lent activities at my house I was inspired by my friend, Erin who had a great idea and my other friend, Linn who does this sort of thing all the time. Erin decided to purge her house, a bag a day for the forty days of Lent. I am slavishly copying this idea. I, of, course, got started late due to spring break vacations and such so my little project will be extending well into May. I am having so very much fun. I always think I am good at getting rid of things until I purge, and then I am appalled at the amount of sheer stuff that has piled up. It's a very first-world, lucky sort of problem to have. At any rate, I am quickly becoming a regular at Goodwill and Amvets, and every bag that goes away takes a little of the tension in my neck with it. Probably won't be able to stop at forty.

tulips make everything better

2011-04-05T12:26:00.000-05:00

If you ask me how I feel about Kansas in January, I will have many a negative thing to report. January makes me grouchy. February is made better only by the fact that Valentine's Day brings presents and fresh flowers. Also, that's usually when we go on vacation. March is the month of waiting. Waiting for crocuses and thunderstorms, the things that herald spring in the midwest. By the end of the month my daffodils and tulips are up and the sun is shining and my spirit soars, and all is once again, well in the state of Kansas. The world smells like dirt and cherry blossoms and grass clippings. There are gardens to be planted, bushes and trees to be trimmed. The roses are already waking up and you know how I feel about those. On Sunday afternoons we all stroll around the neighborhood, admiring flower gardens and dogs and new babies. And in the evenings when we head to bed I open all the windows and fall asleep to sounds of crickets and night birds, all of us just waiting for the glorious sun to rise again tomorrow.

coming soon...

2011-04-01T20:34:00.000-05:00

Back online Monday with a regular schedule of posting. Have missed you all desperately. Kisses.

into the wild, blue yonder

2011-03-15T13:04:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow morning I am off, once again, to my beloved mountains. All this flatness is giving me hives lately.

While I am there I get to see this one

make good use of the dress I made her. And, all my siblings their spouses and their babies will all be in the same city for the first time in years and years. Can't wait. So, think of me and send me your good wishes tomorrow while I drive, and drive, and drive. By the time I get home I will have daffodils and hyacinths and tulips about which to enthuse. Until then, toodles.

it's a sickness

2011-03-07T14:40:00.000-06:00

So. Remember how I was all done with stupid marathons and hate them and I suck at them and blah, blah, blah? Me. too. I still remember. But I am itching, itching to sign up for the local one in October. Because, you know, this time will different. This time I will stick to Hal's program. This time I will run a time I am not ashamed to share. Already printed out the training schedule. Don't even have to start training until June. That's a good long break, right? Seriously, what is wrong with me?

accomplished today

2011-03-03T14:59:00.000-06:00

1. Drove boys to and from school
2. Bought tissue
3. Coughed
4. Watched a lot of Glee
5. Thought about laundry
6. More coughing
7. Swim lessons
8. Dinner for the teacher
9. Hope Ty gets home in time to take Tommy to basketball.
10. More coughing and tissue.

I miss sick days.

hiatus

2011-02-28T17:52:00.001-06:00

I think it can be officially stated. I am not good at this marathon thing. There haven't been very many things in my life that I have thrown my heart and soul into that I have not been good at. This might be the first time. I sort of hate that I don't seem to have that inherent talent for running that so many of my compatriots seem to have. I am jealous of their Boston qualifying times on their first or second races, jealous of any time that they are not ashamed to post on public blogs read by other runners.

Saturday was number four. It was called a "troad" race because it was sort of halfway between a road race and a trail run. Hardest course (of any length) I have run yet. And I was not prepared. And it hurt lots and lots. But this time I didn't cry tears of frustration. I just wallowed in the fact that I finished a course that several others did not and I was not the slowest doing it.

And now I am on hiatus for a little while. I am going to concentrate on speed, on shorter races, on halves and just on other stuff for a little while. I am not quitting, just resting and regrouping. When I am ready to jump in again, I think will seek professional help. I will find a guide to coach me through, to get me over the hump, to help me compensate for my lack any apparent natural talent. Any suggestions?

For now, I will run because I love how it makes me feel, just because I can. And so I can shave 10 minutes off my PR in the half I've signed up for in May.

beginners' luck ( if you are my future brother-in-law, you can't read this post)

2011-02-22T13:26:00.000-06:00

(sorry about the quality of the pics- we took them inside, at night)

The dress is finished. Michelle came out for final fittings this weekend and I sent it home with her. It turns out I am kind of a perfectionist. I made lots (really lots) of rookie mistakes, most fixable and all hideable but my seamstress friends won't be getting a look at that lining or it's little friend the zipper any time soon. I really wanted it to be perfect, wanted her to love it. I think she's happy, I hope she is. I love that she trusted me enough to let me do it. I think she's beautiful, no matter what she's wearing.

doesn't add up

2011-02-15T14:11:00.000-06:00

Wedding dress must be finished by Friday+two class parties (double room mom)+homemade cards+ final week of marathon training (last 20 tomorrow)+sick people+very, very naughty three-year-olds (he did this to the perfectly clean basement in 12 minutes)+(literally) 12 loads of clean laundry to be put away=

no blogging.

Sorry. Back soon. Promise.

excuses get me nowhere

2011-02-04T10:32:00.000-06:00

(me, in my next race)

Guess what I'm not doing today. Again. That's right running. It's been more than a week. Despite the best of intentions I did not run one single, solitary mile at Disneyworld. I walked a ton of them, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't count. Then we got stuck in Orlando an extra day, More Disney, no running. On the morning of our rescheduled flight home I woke up with the worst sore throat I've had in a while, coughing and sniffing. Yesterday was yet another snow day here in Wichita and my tired little boys and my sick self cocooned in the house. This morning, once again, I had the best of intentions. I was feeling a little better. I actually got up when the alarm went off at 4:30 but Ty had had a rough night and asked if he couldn't just go in to work early. Which was fine with me because despite the face that I am starting to feel better my head still feels like it weighs 50 lbs. I reasoned that I would go to the gym and run after we took Tommy to school. I could still get in a good ten miles. Except that when the time came, I just couldn't. Running is hard and I don't feel good. Lazy, lazy, lazy. My race is in 23 days and I have yet to run a 20. I have time to get in 2, maybe 3, if I hurry. Oh boy, I am NOT ready for this race. Not, not, not. We did, however, have a great time in Florida.

i know we did it last year...

2011-01-26T12:48:00.001-06:00

...but we liked it a lot, so we're doing it again. Going to see that mouse in Florida, I mean. So no posting for a week or so because I will be busy hobnobbing with princesses. Have a great week.

sew much to do

2011-01-25T12:47:00.001-06:00

(you can see why I'd be nervous. Monique Luillier, gasp!)
Some of you may be aware that I am currently making my baby sister's wedding dress. Pardon me while I go hyperventilate for a few minutes. O.k., I'm back. This is my final "doing it better" post. I have spent the last few years sewing for everyone but me. I started sewing because I wanted to sew for myself, but that's just never quite how it works out. I sew for my shop, my friends, my children, my friends' children, my nieces and nephews, my sisters, baby gifts, custom orders and on and on and on. Sew, sew, sew. For everyone else. Not this year. I am sure that I will still do a lot of those sorts of things but I want to make stuff for me. I deserve fun stuff too. I hereby pledge to attempt to make at least one thing for myself every month. (this starts in March because I will be wedding dress-ing until then) I will post pictures and you may all oooo and ah appropriately. Or not, depending on how my creations turn out.

run lola run

2011-01-19T07:25:00.002-06:00

First of all if you haven't seen this movie you should add it to your Netflix queue immediately. It should be required for cultural literacy and its absolutely great.

Onwards. You may remember I was training for this by following Hal Higdon's advanced training program. For a while all was so very well. It was tough but I was doing it. Then, one day I realized that I did not have enough weeks to actually complete the program. I was four weeks short. No problem, I thought to myself, I will cut out the rest weeks and adjust the tapering a little. Then I went to Utah to see my little nephew. I wasn't able to run much and lost five training days. When I got home, I promptly came down with a doozy of a sinus infection and so my running the last two weeks has been spotty and not up to snuff. Next week we have a family vacation, where I plan to run but who knows how that will work out. At this point my carefully orchestrated training plan has fallen all to bits. I still think I'll be fine. I probably won't be happy with my time, but there you go. Lately though, it's become work. I'm burned out. I dread long run days. They used to feel like a challenge to overcome and I loved them. Now they are just unpleasantness to power through. I have to run most days. I can't choose to do something else just to mix it up or alleviate boredom because it will throw off my training. I have to run a long run every single week or things get all out of whack. I need a break. After this race I am taking the rest of the season and perhaps the rest of the year off from marathons. I am going to spend a while focusing on 10Ks and halfs, on speed. I am going to finally lose this stupid 15 pounds that I swear is holding me to these slower times. I am going to sleep in sometimes. I will run long runs most weeks, but they will be 10s, not 20s and if I miss one I won't spend days worrying about how it will affect my training. I will run simply because I love to run, not because I insist on constantly having a looming deadline. I will find the joy and space and peace in the quiet and the wind and the rhythm of my feet. And in the fall, or maybe the next fall I will run another marathon, better prepared and without self imposed pressure to do it like others do it. I'll just do it the best I can do it. And I bet it'll will be my best ever.

parenting 101

2011-01-17T14:29:00.000-06:00

I know. I've been away for a while. I have very good excuses, but you don't really care and but it's time to get back on the horse.

Today, we are going to talk about parenting. Are you super excited? Me, too. Lately our house has been a little more contentious than I am really O.K. with, yelling and crying , repeating ourselves over and over and over and that sort of thing. Ugh. I ~~want~~ need to be better at this. I am the grown-up in this house and I can control my anger and frustration like a grown-up. I can put the needs of my children before my petty irritations. I'm currently studying Real Love in Parenting by Greg Baer (as recommended by Julie) and I love the philosophy. I hate reading about the things I am doing wrong. I knew I was doing them wrong before but it hurts more when an expert reiterates it. But I don't want to waste their childhoods arguing with and nagging them. It's too short a time already before they go away and leave me to be grown-ups themselves. It's flying by so fast I can hardly catch my breathe. I want these years to happier ones, for all of us.

i have a new favorite

2011-01-01T12:32:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking about holidays. It's sort of that time of year. Christmas was lovely. We stayed home and wore our jammies most of the day. But on the 26th I was so very, very finished with all the rig-a-ma-role that is Christmas these days. I took down every stitch of Christmas stuff (excepting the Christmas cards, because I really love christmas cards from all you dear people) and felt very relieved. New Years' is a horse of a different color. The prep work on my part involves coordinating with friends to find a party and booking a sitter. That's it. Then I go to a great party, for which I get to dress fancy, with people I adore. The next morning I sleep late and wake up to a clean slate and a fresh start. I get to spend this month evaluating my life and cleaning out closets. Maybe I'm a little nutty, but that feels like heaven to me. My heart of hearts feels all happy and snuggly at the thought of a new beginning and spotless linen closets. So. This month I will be posting about all the things I am trying to do better, you know, so I have to be accountable and all. I'm so very thrilled by the prospect.

i was doing so well

2010-12-18T06:28:00.001-06:00

My Christmas cards went out Decmeber 4th. I was so very proud of myself. It took a little longer than usual because my maililng list seemed out-of-date and incomplete. I swore that I had updated it and fixed it last year, but shrugged it off. I must have handwritten the corrections and not gotten around to entering them into the computer. I had a few more cards left over than I thought I should but chalked it up to overestimating the size of my list. As some friends began commenting on receiving our card and others on not receiving it, I started to get a little suspicious. Thought I'd check the list one more time. Turns out I had been using the old, out-dated and incomplete list from three years ago. Some of the omissions I caught at the time, most I did not. So, if you happen to recieve two cards from me this year or maybe none at all, sorry. I think I've gotten it all straightened out but can't be sure. Probably, I'll do better next year.

Probably.

it is possible that i am an enabler

2010-12-17T11:28:00.000-06:00

Yesterday morning we were running late. We often are. But unlike other rushed mornings, I had neglected to pack Tommy's lunch the night before as is my habit. I mentioned on the way out the door that perhaps he could simply purchase school lunch today. His faced creased in horror. You see, after much begging and cajoling on his part, I had allowed him to try school lunch a few weeks earlier to prove that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Apparently, he learned his lesson. Not a problem. I was heading back to the school in only an hour to volunteer in his class, I could bring his lunch then. Of course I forgot it. As I was getting ready to leave the school I informed him that he would have to eat the swill the school district provides after all. He looked stricken and so very sad and I felt guilty, guilty, guilty. After all, this was my fault. Twice. So I checked him out of school for an hour and took him out to lunch because, maybe your school is different, but at ours school lunch does not even qualify as food by my standards, and because I could. His grilled cheese on homemade bread came with handcut fries made from actual potatoes with the skins still on and it came in an awesome car-shaped container. And it came with a thrilled kid who couldn't stop talking about how his Mom was the very best.

a love letter

2010-12-15T10:28:00.001-06:00

Dear Amazon,
I can't even begin to list the ways that you have made my life better, happier, easier. You deliver anything I can imagine straight to my home. When I am reminded, while out and about, of a forgotten birthday or anniversary I can spend three minutes tapping on my phone and have something delightful on it's way to any recipient, anywhere, toot sweet. If I can't find anything locally, and I mean anything, you probably have it. You remember my addresses and my credit cards. You have every book I ever wanted, even the out-of-print ones. You have reviews of anything I might consider purchasing on order to make my experience better. And you do it all with free shipping. Christmas shopping is a joy it never was in past days due to the fact that it can be completed in twenty minutes and gifts are automatically shipped to the myriad of places where our dear ones live. I wish I could do something extraordinary to show my appreciation, but I will have to settle for continued patronage and a little bit of hero worship.
Love, Me

my enemy, my friend

2010-12-13T14:10:00.002-06:00

I have issues with food. You see, I reallly like most of it (red meat is disgusting, but otherwise, yum). I like to cook, bake, and eat it. My metabolism is not o.k. with this sort of behavior. Apparently it's all sorts of lazy, so I diet. When I diet, I am serious about it. I am a nut, and then I slip, because that's what you do after a while on insanely strict diets. And all I want to eat are white, homemade rolls with mounds of melting butter and chocolate. And so I do. I can't seem to find the middle ground. You know, where you are just super aware of what you eat and occasionally, have a small treat. My all-or-none attitude apparently extends even to my eating habits. I want to view food as fuel for my healthy, strong body. Even as an experience, occasionally, but never, ever as comfort or security. I know that I am better than most. I rarely buy processed food (except chocolate) and I cook from scratch most days. We eat fruits and vegetables and take vitamins every day. But sometimes I wish I didn't have to count every single calorie that I even thought about eating. I wish 10 hours a week at the gym was enough. I wish I had a violent allergy to all white food. Perhaps, I'll try that twinkie diet. I could probably stick to that one.

hitting my stride

2010-12-05T21:24:00.000-06:00

I have been running for about 2 and a half years. I have completed 3 marathons and countless shorter races. Not long ago a family friend who is new to running asked me when it got easier. I told him it didn't, that you naturally continued to challenge yourself and thus it was always more challenging.

Paul, today it got easier.

I have revamped my training. I have become a devotee of Hal Higdon and adding lots of cross and weight training on top of his advanced program. Quite frankly, it's made me tired and sore. Today was my first long run in a while. I was a little nervous. I so, so, so wanted all my work to pay off, even just a little.

It was only ten miles, but today I ran my first negative split. For those of you who aren't runners, that means the second half of my run was faster than the first half. I have never done this before, maybe accidentally on a short run, but never, ever on a long run. By the end of a long run I am dying. Dying. Regardless of the distance, ten or twenty, dying. Not today. My last mile was more than a minute faster than my first and I felt amazing. Best runners' high ever. Seriously, ever.

I bounced out of the Y, strutted to my car, finally, finally, finally felt like a real runner.

because the elves are no help at all

2010-12-02T20:56:00.000-06:00

So, so busy!

Trees with faulty lights, presents that must be shipped, laundry, presents that must be made, cards to be mailed, addresses rediscovered, swimming lessons, etsy store to stock, tutoring, presents to order, laundry, custom skirt order, wedding dress (!), travel plans to make, company party, laundry, yoga, the house, basketball practice, presents to wrap, breakfast with Santa, laundry, crazy-hard training program for next marathon, vacuum, third ear tube surgery for the little one, homemade advent, dinner, make the beds, new nephews, playgroup and on and on and on.

See how the blog didn't even make the list? Soon my dears, soon.

more good news- thankful

2010-11-29T17:07:00.000-06:00

This is my baby sister, Michelle. ( and my beautiful niece, Chloe)

This weekend a delightful young man gave her one of these

He is kind and good and funny. We are so excited to have him join the family.

Congratulations to both of you!

new nephews- thankful

2010-11-28T17:46:00.001-06:00

My dear brother and his wife, the lovely Di welcomed not just one, but two new additions on Saturday. The new boys will join their big brother, Chase to outnumber their delighted parents. They are beautiful. If you are lucky, they will be posting pics here soon. Hooray, hooray, hooray!

for them- thankful

2010-11-25T17:27:00.001-06:00

I can touch my toes- thankful

2010-11-24T16:41:00.001-06:00

I'm relatively certain I wrote about this last year but I Decided not to check and to write about it again anyway.

Twice a week I go to a 90+ minute yoga class. It's my favorite. Sometimes I pay babysitters if I must to attend. For that little space of time I do really hard things that feel amazing. The instructors are pretty hard core and every week class gets a little more difficult. Often newbies come and leave half-way through to never-be-seen-again kind of hard core. I love, love, love it. There is something about watching muscles stretch and shake and get stronger every week. There is something about a room full of breathing. Something about focus and stamina and the camaraderie with those working with you, breathing with you. Something perfect.

full moon- thankful

2010-11-22T09:41:00.001-06:00

It's been a rough several days around here. Last week Tommy had a few asthma attacks so severe that they ended in vomiting. Gross. But totally fixable thanks to oral steroids. Saturday morning, three hours before I was supposed to run the Turkey Trot ten mile he stared throwing up again but this time there was no coughing, just a stomach bug. Ty had to work on Saturday so I missed the race and spent the day washing bedding and emptying the bucket. Fun. By yesterday everybody was feeling better and off we went to church, which was lucky because I had to sing. This morning I was supposed to start my Hal Higdon approved training schedule for this. 90 minutes after I went to bed we heard strange noises coming from Johnny's room. I bet you can guess what he was doing all over his bedding and carpet. He proceeded to vomit at least once an hour all . night. long. I finally resulted to just holding him in the rocker in his room most of the night. When I was downstairs changing the laundry (because I was now completely out of clean sheets) at about two in the morning I glanced out the window and the full moon was shining across the lawn turning everything silver. It was just lovely. Every time I came down thereafter I was drawn to the window, just to look, just to see something beautiful, for a minute or so. This morning is gray, my head is pounding and my little one is still having a really hard time but for a few minutes last night the view was serene and quiet and perfect.

i could be addicted to worse things- thankful

2010-11-19T12:34:00.000-06:00

Now that its November I am into the part of the year during which I am constantly cold. Constantly. Until April. I have had a thing for herbal teas for a long time (since spending the summer/winter of 2002 in Australia, to be exact). I have spent years trying to find spicier and spicier teas. I want it to bite a little when I drink it. It's trickier to find than thin you might think in an herbal tea. Last winter I found this. It's an herbal version of a spicy chai. Every other flavor has gone my the wayside. Just a little sweetener and I have a delightfully warm cup to carry around all day. Then my fingers and my tummy are warm for at least ten minutes. It's really quite lovely. I have started ordering it online because Target can't seem to keep it in stock and I don't want to go without it. When I don't have it, I end up eating candy or drinking fancy hot cocoa, which is bad, bad, bad. Both of those choices have way more calories than my tea (0 calories, 5 with sweetener) so it's very important to have it on my house from October to March. Nowadays, I buy in bulk so feel free to head on over for a cuppa if you want to try before you buy.

plus a steroid or two..-thankful

2010-11-18T09:54:00.000-06:00

ditto

book learning- thankful

2010-11-16T20:10:00.000-06:00

Currently, there are seven books all stacked up on the nightstand. Next to the nightstand is an old-fashioned wicker laundry basket filled with books. This basket is the overflow for the very full book shelf across the room. My ipod is full of audiobooks. I seldom check a book out from a library, I almost always buy them. I love to have our home full of books. We have them everywhere in the house I can find space for a shelf. Every few years I get rid of those I don't love to make room for new so that it doesn't get too out of control. I can't fall asleep with out reading a chapter or two, I simply refuse to fold laundry without a book to which I can listen. I often listen to books on my long runs and they make the time and the miles speed by. I read everything but I love fairy tales and biographies. And histories and science fiction and ghost stories and classics. Oh my. I love to fill my life with stories outside of my own, to compliment, to enrich, to imagine. And it's so easy for me. I've been reading since I was four and if I can't make it to any of the five bookstores within 3 miles of my home, someone will have any story I can dream of delivered to my house, probably with free shipping. How very delightful.

P.S. Wanna know my favorite book today? The 2011 Heirloom Roses Catalog that arived in my mailbox just this afternoon. I die. Possibly a little obsessed but, oh, they are so beautiful and there are so very many! Must find more space for roses. Obviously, I don't have enough.

the little magic box - thankful

2010-11-15T13:15:00.000-06:00

I had no idea how much this little box would make me happy. I don't play the games. I'm just not really that interested. But this little box makes t.v.bearable. We got rid of cable and t.v. channels completely because we can download anything we want to watch through Netflix or Zune. On weekend mornings the boys slip downstairs and Tommy downloads something from the kids folder all by himself while the grown-ups keep sleeping. And Ty does play the games, he plays them with his beloved brothers who live all over the country and they talk and laugh and are together, even when they aren't. Who says electronics are driving humanity apart? This one brings us together.

rainy today- thankful

2010-11-11T14:07:00.000-06:00

Because it smells like woodsmoke and lightning and fall. And the sky is all shades of silver and gray. And it will make for an amazing sunset. And I get to wear my fuzzy socks and drink spice tea all day. Lovely.

the roof over our heads- thankful

2010-11-10T18:14:00.001-06:00

This house needs 18, count them, 18, new windows. The heating and air conditioning systems are original to the house and will have to be replaced sometime in the next three years. The chimney flashing has a new leak which adds two more rooms to the tally of rooms that need the ceiling repainted. It's completely inefficient to heat or cool and both the kitchen and the bathrooms need some updating.

But I love it here. I love the views out of the southern windows. Fields of perfect snow in January, flawless golf course grass and hills in the summer. I love the sun streaming in my uncovered windows in the morning and watching it set over the window herb garden at night. I love the high ceilings and two-sided fireplaces. I love the flowers in the gardens and the creek for catching frogs and bugs. I love the way the kids' laughter reverberates through out the whole house.

I am so very grateful to be able to come home to somewhere that makes me smile, to have a strong roof over our heads and room to stretch out inside. This is our second house, in our first house we never got around to hanging many pictures and there were rooms that we never got around to using. This house really feels like home.

good germs, bads germs- thankful

2010-11-08T12:33:00.001-06:00

Over the course of the last five weeks this kid

has spent four of them on antibiotics. He has serious problems with his sinuses. He had surgery last spring to help, and it did, for like four months. Now we are back where we started. He has been trouble from the beginning. Colic for four long months. Acid reflux with a bonus of projectile vomiting until he was 2 and a half. He is currently on his second set of ear tubes and will probably need at least one more set soon. Nasty infections followed by doctor visits and rounds of antibiotics. But eventually they help. The infections don't spread to other parts of his little body. My doctors aren't forced to watch helplessly as he gets sicker. They can do something. Lots of somethings. We have health insurance that pays for most of it. And so instead of being a tragedy or even just a terrible hardship, it is mostly an inconvenience. I'll take inconvenience any day. In the meantime, I am considering in investing his entire college fund in Kleenex stock.

never get sick of these, too bad for you- thankful

2010-11-05T21:27:00.000-05:00

I know. I just posted rose photos last week. But now it's thankful month and I can't, can't, can't leave them out. I love them. Love, love, love them. Every time I see one of my girls blooming my heart lifts and my soul soars. Something about them fills up my insides with bright, shiny goodness. I realize that I have an unusually passionate relationship with all of my flowers, but, oh, the roses. Happy, little sigh.

for health and strength- thankful

2010-11-04T08:37:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had breakfast with some my dearest. We were discussing my recent lackluster marathon performance among other things and I was sheepishly promising to do better next time. Then Amy piped up. I adore everything about Amy. She is kind and thoughtful and hilarious. She is one of the most genuine, sincere people I know. She also struggles with some serious health issues which I often forget about due to her boundless energy and generally sunny disposition. She told me to be grateful for a body that was able run 26+ miles because there were many that couldn't. She said this in the sweetest, most not-judgemental way imaginable. And I am a schmuck. I complain about being chubby and slow. But my body has never failed to do what I ask of it. Ever. My level of performance is limited only by my commitment and determination and the occasional virus. I spent the rest of the day vowing to show my gratitude by making better use of this amazing gift. And to be a little more like Amy.

thankful- ambrosia

2010-11-03T05:45:00.001-05:00

Speaking of carbs, these are my very favorite. As soon as they show up in stores I start getting all excited for the whole Halloween-fall-Thanksgiving season. And they're so cheeerful what with their yellow and orange, and so sweet and sort of buttery. Luckily 16 candy corns=100 calories. Not that I have ever stopped at 16. Not ever.

on the wagon...again

2010-11-02T09:33:00.000-05:00

(must do more sit-ups...)

I am a serial dieter. If you have known me longer than five minutes you know this and it is probably the thing about me that drives you nuts. It drives me nuts. When I don't eat many (and by that I mean hardly any) carbs my body sheds fat and eventually gets to a place that I don't hate. But I love carbs. Love them. All of them. So I do really well for a while and I loose a few of those stubborn pounds and then I think of a reason why I need my carbs back. Then I plateau. If I'm lucky. This is why I am still not quite back to where I should be and the baby is three. This weekend was a carb fest. Yum. Yum. Triple yum. (five points if you get that reference). Yesterday was supposed to be the first day back on the wagon, but it wasn't. So, it's today. Sigh. If you see me about to gobble up something sweet or bread-y, slap my hand and take it away from me because while I despise dieting, I despise this tummy of mine even more. Also- Thankful posts start tomorrow. Sort of forgot it was November already. I guess that today I am thankful for the South Beach Diet and it's amazing effects when I am faithful.

the reason we were late for school this morning

2010-11-01T09:06:00.000-05:00

Cookie Monster and his brother

Ironman

a.k.a this kid

had a lovely evening soliciting treats from friends, neighbors and strangers alike until late into the evening.

Hope you did too.

where mums go to die

2010-10-29T09:08:00.000-05:00

Actual crime scene photo

I grow lots of flowers. Lots. Hard flowers, like roses. The roses are huge and flourishing. My marigolds are the biggest in the block, my tulips the first to show in the spring. I grow six types of herbs in my kitchen window. Other than the pumpkins (which were murdered by maurauding beetles) my garden did quite well and is still producing tomatoes, carrots and peppers. I am good at plants. Except for mums. This is the second mum I have killed this season. Mums are easy. Anyone can keep a mum alive. Not me. Good grief, they're only meant to last for a couple of months anyway. What am I doing wrong? I am anathema to chrysanthemums. So weird.

writer's block

2010-10-26T17:55:00.001-05:00

Can't think of anything to write. Maybe tomorrow. Going to run in the fall breezes and blowing leaves instead. At sunset. Lovely.

rosy colors of fall

2010-10-22T12:23:00.000-05:00

I love October in Kansas, but probably not for tha same reasons most people are fond of the spookiest of months. Don't get me wrong. I adore the changing of the leaves and all that comes with it. It just doesn't really get going here untill well into the month. Much of my garden in still green and growing. Especially the roses. They seem to love the cooler temperatures and have one last, great blooming in October. They will bloom sporadically until the first hard frost (often not until December here), but this is their last really big hurrah for the season. As always, I am enchanted.

critical mass

2010-10-19T13:09:00.000-05:00

I have a friend (well more than one, but you know what I mean). M is a bit of an inspiration. She never misses a workout, she has no food issues and I can't remember ever hearing her say something negative about anyone. I need to be more like M. I'm pretty good about my friends, after all, they are pretty delightful. But. I have lots to say about strangers. You know, "bad blonde", "wearing such and such when people can see her", "can't believe she let her kid get away with that", and other judge-y, not-nice things. Ideally these poor, purloined ladies never know about my snarky comments. I would feel terrible if they did. I feel sort of terrible just sitting here writing this. I know better. I know all about the need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. So in an effort to practice what I preach, if I can't say something nice, I won't say anything at all. But I'll really try to think of something nice.

truth in marketing

2010-10-18T12:19:00.000-05:00

Men and women are different. We all know this. I recognize that we have different needs in many arenas. This weekend I learned of one I had previously discounted. You all know how I feel about nylons (small shudder) and what with the weather being in a state of indian summer here in Kansas I am still sporting bare legs to all places requiring or even just enjoying the privilage of a skirt and/or dress. Thus, there must be shaving. I have a tiny bit of a hippy vibe but I am distinctly anti-leg hair and when I have gobs of money coming out of my ears will pay some nice person with lasers to kill it all forever. Sans gobs of money I pull out my fancy, girly, pleasantly-scented women's razer. Sunday, I realized with chagrin that my razer had been discarded in preparation for the purchase of a new one. Unfortunately said purchase had not yet taken place. Not one to be daunted, I pulled a brand new razer out of Ty's enormous Sam's Club stash under the sink. You see, secretly I knew that there was no difference between his and mine and that I was paying all that extra money for perfume and a purple handle. Nope, nope, nope. Not the same. Not the same at all. I emerged from the shower feeling raw and bleeding down my legs in several places, cut to ribbons. Poor men take these butcherous things to their faces! Perhaps they are simply more skillful than I, but, wow. Huge difference. On the way home from the gym this morning I stopped at the drugstore for an emergency razer restock. My legs are smooth and silky, as promised on the bright pink, flowered package with not a drop of blood in sight. All is right with the world.

how quickly we forget

2010-10-05T11:52:00.001-05:00

(too embarrassed to look at the camera)

I am exhausted. On Wednesday and Thursday of last week we drove 18 hours to St. George. I coughed and coughed the entire way, but it is a beautiful drive full of my favorite kinds of scenery, mountains and deserts. My heart gets happy even now just thinking about it. It is, however, a really loooong drive. We spent half of Thursday and all of Friday with the grandparents and playing in my favorite desert in the whole world. And then it was Saturday. I ran the race and I finished. I learned a whole lot. I learned that you really must train for hills. Specifically. Because if you don't you will get huge cramps in your quads for the last ten miles of the race. This is highly unpleasant and destroys your already lame time. Also, running a marathon while still recovering from the flu is a lot harder than normal. You will not get a PR this way. You will not even come close. You will be downright embarrassed by your time. This is, however, my favorite race ever to run. It's so amazingly beautiful. Every inch of the race is worth staring at for a million years. This was the one benefit of the long, long time it took me to finish this race. I got to look for longer. By mile 18 I had decided that I was taking a break from marathons. This was hard. Why was I doing this to myself? Why wasn't I better at this? But now it's Tuesday. And I'm itching to run. Weird. I will definitely try to get into this race next year just so that I can redeem myself. And I need to completely re-examine the way I'm training because I think I might be doing it wrong. I don't want to be the back-of-the-pack anymore, I aspire (for now) to the middle. But I will do it again, possibly soon, I just can't seem to stop. I will not, however, ever drive the 18 hours home straight through anytime soon. It was pretty awful towards the end, and I don't feel the same way about driving.

off we go

2010-09-29T05:48:00.000-05:00

St. George or Bust!

Keep those toes crossed.

Out, damn spot!

2010-09-28T09:48:00.000-05:00

Friday morning I went to the gym like I was supposed to. I picked up the kids, made dinner, all the normal stuff. It was Ty's night to kill aliens so I picked up a redbox and went to bed early thinking that the morning's workout or maybe Thursday's long run had left me a little more sore than I expected to be. By the the time I woke up Saturday morning I had 103 degree fever, a hacking couch and hurt so badly that I was pretty sure I might die at any time. Worst. day. ever. By the end of the day we were pretty sure I was the first person on our block to get the dreaded flu. I was scheduled to get my vaccination this morning. Sigh. Luckily my very favorite local doc was willing to call in some Tamiflu for me, knowing that I was supposed to run a marathon in short seven days. Sunday was only slightly better. And I started to get nervous. I have been trying to get into this race for two years, training for four months. Missing it for some stupid virus would be heartbreaking. Monday I was able to walk around. I got dressed and took the kids to school. I did laundry and I coughed. And coughed, and coughed. It's so hard to run when you are coughing, it's hard to do most things when you are coughing. Feeling very nervous now. At about 7:30 my body informed me that it was finished for the day and that we were going to bed no matter how many loads of laundry were left to fold. But the coughing made it hard to get to sleep, so I worried. But I did sleep and while I was sleeping I didn't cough. Today, I am still coughing, but less, I think. And I feel closer to what I am supposed to feel like. We leave in the morning but the race isn't until Saturday. If I can stay on this curve, less coughing, better feeling every day, I should be o.k. by then. I hope. Cross your fingers. And your toes.

just this once

2010-09-27T18:00:00.001-05:00

I don't usually bite on these sorts of things but I really like Emz so for her I will accept a tag and post (think this what I'm supposed to do) 10 random things about myself.

1. I don't really like most cake, but I love frosting

2. I am really good at Trivial Pursuit or any other game requiring random knowledge of all things unimportant.

3. I have an abiding love for ballet flats and own a rather extensive collection.

4. I am strangely flexible and, in some cases, double jointed. This makes yoga way more fun.

5. When I know I will have to have a difficult conversation with someone I "practice" for several days in advance.

6. I hate projects that I can't finish in one sitting. I'm trying to be better about this.

7. I could live exclusively on pasta, but history has shown that this makes me fat so it's mostly not allowed. Sigh.

8. Faith is hard for me, but not impossible, I hope.

9. I hate big life changes because they feel like chaos..

10. My second toe is longer than my big toe- it makes shoe fitting tricky and creeps me out just a little. This may explain why I find feet in general to be icky, icky, icky.

Hmm, that wasn't terrible, but don't expect me to do it again soon because I'm crabby like that.

of course we had a party

2010-09-25T13:01:00.001-05:00

...it just took me a week to post. We had one for Johnny too, but it was at a friends' house and I haven't gotten a hold of the pictures yet. Tommy's was at the local childrens' science museum, Exploration Place. Some foul villian stole the birthday cake and the kids had to use science (mostly fingerprints) and then run all over the museum to find it. At one point they managed to lose my littlest but he was soon recovered and I think a good time was had by all. Tommy got lots of great science gifts in which he is reveling. I promise to get the thank you notes started tomorrow.

little miss sunshine

2010-09-20T18:00:00.000-05:00

First:
Obviously, September is not going to be the month in which I post every single day. I admit it, perhaps October. Probably, but you shouldn't hold your breath.

Second:
I have been ruminating on this post for a couple of weeks now. I am not happy with it. It didn't come out the way I wanted it to be. But I posted it in a hurry and now I'm all angsty about it. I sounded like Pollyanna or someone equally clueless about real life. I recognize that there are great hurts and sadnesses that shape who we are, who we become, that those things are a massive part of the human experience. I didn't mean to downplay those things. Hopefully though, these great hurts are few and far between. Hopefully we spend the majority of our lives searching for the great joys and often finding them. That's what I really meant to say. Mostly.

seasonal confusion

2010-09-15T20:51:00.000-05:00

I'm old fashioned. In lots of ways. One of these ways is my feelings about clothes. For example I don't wear white after Labor Day (this rule only applies to things at below the waist e.g. skirts, shoes) and while the basics live in my closet year-round, I have two very distinctly seasonal wardobes. The off-season lives in the off-season closet in the basement and bringing up the new season's wardrobe is really quite a lovely way to spend an afternoon. This year the weather has really caused problems in my system. It's time to put away the summer stuff and start pulling out the boots, jeans and sweaters. For example, today it was 95 degrees. Not even I, with my freakish tolerance for heat can wear jeans and boots in that much sunshine. In an effort to dress for the weather regardless of the calendar, I pulled on a floaty white skirt. But I couldn't do it, it felt too frumpy. All my summer stuff just feels inappropriate. I changed into skinny capris and off we went. I only have one pair of these. I cannot wear them every day. I just checked the forecast. Indian summer is forecasted to continue indefinitely. Despite two full closets, I feel like I have nothing to wear

* On a super happy note, my newest nephew, Ryker was born today! He is beautiful! Congrats to Cassi, Allan and big sister Chloe.

on the occasion...

2010-09-14T20:21:00.001-05:00

...of his sixth birthday.

Mom: Tommy, How does it feel to be six?
Tommy: Good. Well. umm, probably just great.
Obviously.

M: What things would you like to accomplish this year?
T: Well, I would I would say do my marble set a whole bunch and build some cars.
Guess what he got for his birthday...besides the new bike which he doesn't mention.

M: What are a few of you favorite things?
T: Like Thunder Mountain Mailroad and Space Mountain are my favorite roller coasters. That's all.
Possibly he is hinting at his preference for our next vacation.

M: Who are a few of your favorite people?
T: Nathan and the other Nathan and Owen, Jacob from school, and umm, probably and my family.
And the jillion other friends who we just haven't happened to see or discuss today or yesterday.

M: What would you like to be when you grow up?
T: Scientist, I keep telling you! Don't you get it?
Hmmm, I wonder what it feels like when people don't listen to what you say?

M: What are some of your favorite things to do?
T: Ride roller coasters and I like to run around and play on my friend Ryan's trampoline. I do like to run around with my brother.
Guess whose house we played at today? And boy, oh boy does he like to run around with his brother.

M: How do you feel about starting kindergarten this year?
T: Well. good.
As if this were the lamest question ever asked.

M: Anything else you'd like to say?
T: I would say we should go to the next question.
Luckily for everyone involved, there are no more questions.

Happy birthday, Sunshine! We adore you.

In case you're feeling nostalgic, here's last year's interview.

priorities

2010-09-13T17:30:00.000-05:00

Ty doesn't watch sports and he doesn't play golf. He doesn't have bowling or poker nights. But, he does play video games.

He kills zombies. And aliens.

He is not one of those men who disappear into the basement at inappropriate times for days. He only plays a few hours a week, always after checking with my schedule. He and his brothers connect on the Xbox and spend hours yelling bad words at the huge t.v that we bought just for this purpose. He is picky about his games, but very serious once he chooses one. Until he beats it, and then he's is forever finished with it. Except for Halo. They can play Halo for hours and hours and hours. And hours. They get all excited every time some new version comes out. Case in point. Tomorrow is Tommy's birthday so Ty had been planning to have lunch with him at school. It is also the release date of the newest Halo game. He took the whole day off. So did his brothers. They are picking up their copies at midnight and beginning immediately. Ty will meet Tommy for lunch while the rest nap or something and then they will play some more. I want to make fun of him but I can't because he's so responsible most of the time about all of it. It's pretty funny though that a 35-year-old attorney is taking the whole day off to play video games, just like he promised he would when he was 12.

me and my delicate constitution

2010-09-12T16:56:00.001-05:00

So I've been hearing about this 'Hoarders' show for a while now. Everyone goes on and on about how fascinating it is and how they can't help it, but they just can't get enough of it. We are the cable-less wonders so we have never had the opportunity to catch it. Last night it showed up on the Netflix instant download cue and we thought, "why not?" Holy. Hissing. Cats. I have never seen anything like this in my entire life, like ever. By about half-way though I was literally gagging, GAGGING on my couch. Ty was having edit for me and tell me when it was o.k. to look. How does anyone watch this? Even worse, how are they living like this?! And what is wrong with our society that this is a hit show? Ick, ick, ick!!!! I'm going to go scrub something right now. Shiver.

vacation bonanza- part two

2010-09-10T19:29:00.000-05:00

Day three- Favored parts

This day started in Ty's favorite way- with a cave. We headed out to Maramec Caverns first thing in the morning. It was definitely aimed at the tourists, which we were. Lots of amazing cave formations culminating in a fancy colored light show that climaxed in an Amerian flag. Very patriotic. ANd Jesse James totally evaded a posse here. Also they sold fudge, lots of fancy flavors of fudge. Yum. After an overpriced lunch and ice cream cones we headed back to the resort for the part I had been looking forward to all weekend. the float. Three rivers converge right around the area where our little camping resort is situated and that's what people come there to do, to float down the rivers. You can float in a canoe, a raft or do mini-floats in tubes. Do to Johnny's short attention span we opted for tubes. I could have done this for days and days. We stayed a day after most people had left due to a conveniently placed teacher prep day (thank you USD 259) so we were the only people on the river except for one pass by a speed boat which caused no end of super fun waves. Mostly you just lounge in your tube ( they had mesh botttoms so there was no worries about anyone falling through and the boys were life-jacketed) and stare at the sky and the trees and listen to the cicadas. And fish little boys out of the river every time they jumped in. Highly recommend this form of recreation for everyone.

Followed by smores, lots and lots of smores.

Day Four- In which we drive home

Many possums and a husband who still drives like and old lady but we got home just in time for swim lessons, because they don't do make-ups and those things are expensive. And laundry, so very much laundry. And little boys begging to head back to the mountains next weekend. I didn't really know how to explain about the whole 'we live in Kansas thing, land of the flat' so I just pointed out the fact that we had a soccer game and yoga and church....and well. you know how it goes.

Tomorrow, a real post. Are you so excited?

vacation bonanza- part one

2010-09-09T20:47:00.001-05:00

Day 1- Everything you have ever heard about the Ozarks is true.

Today we drove 250-ish miles and it took a million years. For two reasons. #1- There is no direct route from Wichita, KS to Leasburg, MO only lots of tiny little two lane roads that require you to slow down to 25 mph as you drive through and #2- Ty drives like a little old lady when we are all in the car together because he loves us so much and gets all worried. Note to self- drive all the way to St. George and don't let Ty have any turns or it will take us three days to get there. It's really nice how much he loves us though, right? As we got into the Ozark region I started seeing things. Things that I thought were myths. I saw no fewer than 6 men/boys wearing overalls with nothing underneath them. Seriously. And there was possum on the menus and on the side of the road. Actual Possum. Apparently they make pies out of them. And- they have heard of computers and cell phones but they must not use them because the only place to find bars (you know, like cell phone bars, there are plenty of the other kind) is the interstate. But. There are miles and miles of oaks and hickories so thick you can't see anything else and shining lakes and long, wide, slow-moving rivers. And stars that go on forever. So I guess I can turn my phone off for a few days.

No, I didn't take this one but this is exactly what the entire area looks like.

Day 2- What we really need is a hole in the ground.

At our house we have a thing for caves. We grew up with Timpanogas and various unnamed caves throughout southern Utah. We have been to caves all over the States as well as in both Australia and New Zealand. The kids are just starting to learn about caves. Tommy did Timpanogas the last time I was in Utah and found it to be "great". These hills they call the Ozarks are riddled with the things. Today we went to Onondaga Cave. It's not a tourist cave. Just basic lights and a tour guide with a flashlight. It was amazing and the kids were completely enthralled. Mostly by the formations that look like ice cream cones but, hey, it's a start. The park ranger recommended we check out Marimac Springs in the afternoon. Both Ty and I have fond memories of Crystal Springs growing up, so off we went. A perfect clear spring that spreads into a river winding though parks and playgrounds and trout hatcheries. The boys fed the trout and we all soaked our hot feet in the frigid water.

Then back to our cabin for pizza from the grill, smokey campfires and giant marshmallows that never quite made it to be smores.

For grins like these I will walk a quarter of a mile to the nearest restroom.

Without even complaining hardly at all.

excuses, excuses

2010-09-08T21:25:00.000-05:00

"Hmm," you are saying to yourself, " I thought there was to be posting every day this month and yet, it's only the 9th and we have a huge gap of four days." I know. See we went to the Ozarks. They are beautiful. And remote. Like no cell phones or wi-fi, remote. I was unaware of this in advance. My posting was severely curtailed. I did however write posts for each day and this evening I came home from yoga all ready to comandeer the laptop and spend an hour or so getting them and their corresponding photos posted. But. Ty needs my laptop to do work, like for his job. He has a work laptop, but he doesn't bring it home since my laptop is soooo very convenient. I was allowed 10 minutes to make my apologies. Sorry. Check back tomorrow to see all the fab things I have written, but don't get too excited, it's similiar to my usual high quality posts. Read that last part in your most sarcastic voice.

a spoonful of sugar

2010-09-03T19:55:00.000-05:00

This afternoon I was listening to Science Friday. They had an author on that was talking about brain research and how humans percieve the world. He talked about how the negative sticks with us much longer and more clearly than the positive. He sited a study that showed that most people when asked to name the five worst times of their lives could do it no problem but many couldn't name the five best times. As much as I complain, I can't think of five really bad times. I have had an incredibly blessed and lovely life (frantically knocking on wood). Sure there have been hard things but, for the most part, they haven't been the things that define my every day life, the things that run through my head over and over while I run. They aren't the things that last. It's the beautiful, the clean, the lovely for the most part. There's just so much of it it seems to crowd out the bad when I really stop to think. I realize (or maybe I don't) how lucky we have been. There is just so much loveliness all around.

So there, scientists

not enough hours in my day

2010-09-02T20:44:00.000-05:00

I don't know abouut you folks but his whole school/fall/back-to-real-life thing has thrown me for a loop. All the sudden we are so very busy. I thought we were busy before, and we were, but a different kind of busy. It was playdates and zoos, waterparks and birthday parties before. Now it's school and soccer practice, swimming and doctors' visits. All of the sudden all our stuff is the kind of stuff that we really have to be to at a certain time. None of our usual wandering in whenever the little one wakes up from his nap or I finish my project or we feel like it.When they says school starts at 8, they actually want you to be there by 7:50. So we are, and then we rush around to piano lessons and swimming and whatever else we have that day. All extra-curriculars (e.g. grocery shopping, pre-schooler naps, laundry) must be smushed into the hours between when we drop Tommy off and when we pick him up. It's trickier than I expected. And by 8:30 p.m., I am exhausted. Which is good because I have to go to bed early so I can get up super-early to go to the gym and do it all over again tomorrow. I think that once we get into the groove of our new, much more rigid schedule we will probably really dig it. Right now I am sort of wishing I could find a time slot in which to slip a nap for Mommy.

only one of the many reasons I will never be a famous blogger

2010-09-01T09:03:00.000-05:00

So me and my consistancy have been a little iffy lately. So. Today is september 1st. I am going to blog daily for the entire emonth of September and see how it goes. Unfortunately for all of you, I have nothing particularly clever to say today, I do however have a link to suggest. ( how very famous-blogger-y of me, right?).

Do you read this one? 'Cause I find it to be hysterical. You know what with my perfection complex and all.

guess what he got for his birthday...

2010-08-26T17:27:00.002-05:00

Q. Johnny, How old are you?
A. Six!
Nope, Three. Answers regularly range from 6 to 37.

Q. What's your favorite things to do?
A. Umm, Drums!
He's now been playing the set he got for his birthday for a whole hour. In the kitchen. With lots of extra great echoing.

Q. What's your favorite food?
A. Hot dogs, corn dogs!
And cake, choosing a cake was VERY exciting this afternoon.

Q. Who is your favorite friend?
A. The Drums!
Tommy prompting from the other room, "Me, he loves me the most!" Johnny commences to sing "Happy Birthday" to himself while drumming loudly, oh, so loudly. I declare the official birthday interview concluded.

It's super hard to conduct an interview while the subjects plays his new, real (although small) drum set in his most enthusiastic manner.

Happy birthday, my darling, darling boy.

wasting time

2010-08-25T10:21:00.000-05:00

So Tommy is at school. All day. Johnny and I have lots of alone time. And he still naps. I have all this time when I should be getting stuff done. And there is stuff to be done. Closets to clean, toys to organize, an etsy shop to stock, baby gifts for my sister to sew, that one skirt I have been working on for a 50 years now because I can't get the zipper to obey, Julie's alterations, stuff to be done. But instead I putter, and think about blogging (this is my first actual blog in almost a week) and yesterday I took a nap. This is unacceptable. I am a productive person and now I have a little time to be productive. Time to go, go, go! Yawn. Probably, just making this list will help right? Now I have a starting place, a jumping off point. Any minute I am going to bolt out of this chair and rush off to be useful and justify my stay-at-home status. Seriously. any minute now, off I will go, I swear. Sigh.

falling short

2010-08-19T18:09:00.000-05:00

(Whatever, so I'm not them)

So today I was supposed to run a twenty. I only made it 18. Partially because I ran out of time but mostly because that was just all I could do today. That's still pretty good. I ran farther than anyone else on that track today. Lately, I am trying to be satisfied with the best I can do. I am not ever going to meet many of my own standards and the best I can do is all I can do. Angst about what I can't do is sort of useless and it's not like I have the energy and time to spare. Next week I will run twenty, if it kills me, promise. See how I am all self-actualized and stuff?